Why am I so busy?

List of things to do before the arrival of Jemimah:

1. Complete the writing of 2 chapters of a textbook.


2. Set up Christmas tree.


3. Prepare Phase Test question paper and assignment for the module Introduction to Programming.


4. Conduct YouthAlpha at the KBU CF every Friday.


5. Plan the KBU CF first concert on 6 December 2008.


6. Plan Jordan's 3rd birthday on 14 December 2008.


7. Attend 5 days training on Mainframe Technology – 15 December to 19 December 2008.


8. Prepare for the arrival of Jemimah:


• Clear the room downstairs for Seng Chor and Jordan during confinement


• Wash her clothes


• Buy a new set of drawers, baby toiletries, etc

I pray for God's strength everyday – The Joy of the Lord is my Strength (Nehemiah 8:10b)

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Check up on 17 November 2008

Jemimah also known as Jem is now about 2.2 kg. The gynecologist predicted that she will be about 3.4 or 3.5 kg at birth. Yes, she is going to be a big baby. Yeah! That's what I want. She is growing well. Her head is facing downwards. She has been kicking quite a lot – pretty strong. It's a wonderful feeling indeed. She stretches every now and then. She is now about 33 weeks old in the womb – 7 more weeks before she enters the world.

We didn't set any date for her delivery. The actual due date is 5 January 2009. I am open to the mode of delivery – natural or cesarean. According to the gynecologist, the scar in my womb seems to be getting thinner. So, if Jemimah is big, it is not advisable to try natural birth. He will perform an internal checking in 3 weeks time, and see whether it is okay for me to go through natural birth. If cesarean, it will be performed between 26 December 2008 to 30 December 2008. Then, we may choose 30 December 2008 as the delivery day. We commit this matter to God. May God's will be done.

I have put on another 2 kgs – 1 kg for Jemimah and the other kg is mine. She has put on about 1 kg since last month. So far, I have put on 11 kgs. Now, my weight is 58.1 kg. I don't think I would reach my weight during Jordan's time – which was 67 kg! I put on more than 20 kgs at that time. I was fat! For this pregnancy, I lost a bit of weight at the beginning. I did more walking (and climbing). I could control my appetite better. In the third trimester (which is now), I don't feel hungry all the time. I eat less at night – take very little rice.

On my sleep, sometimes I sleep well, sometimes I don't. Last week, was pretty bad. Maybe because it was bad last week, this week seems better. I couldn't sleep on my left side at all. Jemimah would kick non-stop if I sleep in that position. I could now lie down on my right. She is okay with that position now. Previously, she didn't like it too, and I could only lie down on my back.

Last night, Jordan actually sang a song to Jemimah as I lied down on the bed. He invented the song himself, and even invited Jemimah to play with him, and share the toys with him. I can't remember how the song goes. But it has words like Jemimah and baby. It was a lovely sight indeed. So sweet. As suggested by Selvi, I will buy a gift on behalf of Jordan to give to Jemimah on her day of birth. I am thinking of getting a gift for Jordan from Jemimah. So, they can exchange gift. Hehehe!

Occasionally, we would ask Jordan to 'kiss' Jemimah and 'pat' her. We encourage him to start showing love to her. Hopefully, Jordan would adjust well to the arrival of Jemimah.

As the delivery date draws closer, I feel more and more excited. There is also more assurance of peace. I have been really busy. I am still very busy. I have just met a deadline. As a reward for my effort, I am now writing this post, and hope to share what I am busy with at the moment in my next post.

Prayer Advance

By faith, I took Jordan to the church Prayer Advance at Kundang, Rawang on Friday night. We left in Hok Seng’s car together with Lai Leng. Seng Chor couldn’t make it because of a company training over the weekend. I almost decided not to go because I know that it would be tough taking care of Jordan on my own. I was praying that Jordan would behave extremely well and that I would not need to move around too much. Well, ‘extremely’ is a high expectation. I told myself that it would be better than placing him at the babysitter. I am willing to pay the price, and I did it with God’s strength and the support from the rest of the church members. Praise the Lord!

We arrived Rawang around 8 pm for dinner. We met up with Elder Chris, Dolly, Aaron, Yoke Kheng and Kenny. It was a wonderful dinner. Jordan enjoyed it as well. Yoke Kheng helped me to feed him with some rice and fish. It was just a snack for Jordan because he already had his dinner at the babysitter.

Then, we travelled to the MBS Recreation Center at Kundang, about 15 minutes from Rawang. Jordan and I didn’t join the first session. We stayed in the Chalet together with Dolly, Lai Leng and Yoke Kheng. There were 2 single beds, one double bed with an upper deck. Dolly and Lai Leng slept on the single beds. Yoke Kheng slept above us.

I brought my notebook for Jordan to watch his DVD. After settling down, he slept before 12 midnight. It was a good start.

Second Day at Kundang
Jordan woke up at almost 9 am. He had a good breakfast. Basically, he ate non-stop from morning till night. He watched a few Children Bible stories DVD. I will post more of him in his blog.

I managed to listen and share my views during some of the sessions. In between, I had to entertain Jordan’s demands. He was almost unmanageable during lunch. But eventually, he sat down and ate some chicken.

I was upset with him once. It happened in the evening. After cleaning him from his ‘big business’, I carried him to the sink to wash his hands. He wanted to play with the water non-stop. I was trying to stop him and get him to obey. He was so stubborn. I think the situation was rather tensed for about 5 – 10 minutes in the bathroom. I even shook him. I think I spanked him and he cried for awhile. Yet, he still insisted in playing with the water. In the end, I gave up and gave in to his demand. He was satisfied. I was so frustrated with his stubbornness and disobedience.

Later on the way to dinner, I asked him to say, “Sorry, Mummy” and he did. I told him that I was angry with him. He may not understand but at least he is learning to apologise. This is not the first time that I’ve asked him to say sorry. Most of the time, he is willing to say.

We went back to the same restaurant as the previous night for dinner. Kenny helped me to entertain Jordan. We assisted him twice to do his ‘small business’ – once in the toilet and the second time outside the restaurant. Jordan complained that the toilet is dirty! So, he didn’t want to pee in the toilet the second time. Gosh! I was surprised with his behaviour and his view on cleanliness. Amazing!

After dinner, we ate durian. Jordan loves it. Poor Kenny had to carry him and eat at the same time. Thank you, so much Kuya Ken.

It was 10:30 pm when we returned to the chalet. Jordan and I didn’t join the prayer session. As usual, he watched his DVD and slept before midnight. I had to persuade him a few times to off all the lights. Sigh!

Third Day at Kundang
Sadly, Jordan woke up before 5:30 am. He wanted to pee. Again, he wanted to play with the water, and didn’t want to return to bed. He insisted that the lights be turned on. I struggled with him for at least 10 minutes. I ignored his demand and let him cry. I repeatedly told him to go to sleep. He refused. I spanked him a few times with the comb. He still didn’t want to listen and kept on asking me to turn on the lights. Eventually, Yoke Kheng woke up and took him outside for a walk. When he returned, he still wanted the lights to be on. We gave up. So, he was allowed to watch his DVD.

I didn’t bother him much in the morning. The rest of the church members joined us for worship that morning. So, more ‘babysitters’ came to take care of him – Roy Lim, Lai Leng, Valerie and Sahaya.

The only time I spent with him was during lunch. But he hardly eats anything. Sahaya played with him most of the time. He even dipped Jordan in the pool – just the lower part of his body.

Then, it was time to leave for home. We took a lift from Yoke Kheng. Before we even reached Rawang, Jordan fell asleep. He slept until 5 pm. Phew!

Worship at Kundang
I was seeking for peace and I found it. I hardly share during congregation worship but that Sunday morning, I felt that I need to honour God for what He has been revealing to me.

By faith, I went to the Prayer Advance. Though some experiences with Jordan were not pleasant but God gave me the strength and the patience. Most of all, love for Jordan. God allowed Jordan to wake up so early for a purpose. God is asking me to rely on his strength. The first song during worship confirmed it –

You are my strength
Strength like no other
Strength like no other
Reaches to me


Passion World Tour was on that day, and I was going. Again, I just went ahead with the original plan and worshipped God. I had a fantastic time despite having lack of rest. There will be more of this in my next post.

I wept during the ministry time. Hok Seng prayed for all the lecturers. I was the first one he prayed for. Tears just flowed. Then, the lecturers prayed for the students. Hok Seng came over to pray for me again. He assured me of God’s promises. God has given me the answer to my prayer, and I know. I know it. I just wept. Dolly lent me her shoulder to cry on. I haven’t wept that much since Aunty Luan passed away.

I was once again being ministered by the church intercessors. Peace was assured. Everything will be fine.

I haven’t been specific about what I am going through. It is not the right time to reveal. Ultimately, God’s name will be glorified.

Praise the Lord!

Seng Chor to Bali = Tough Weekend

Seng Chor was away in Bali for 5 days, 4 nights for his company trip. He left last Thursday (12 June 2008) and arrived home on Monday evening. We left Jordan with the babysitter on Wednesday and Thursday night. Then, sis and I picked him up on Friday night.

After picking him from the babysitter, we went to Secret Recipe at Centerpoint for dinner. Thankfully, Jordan sat down obediently on the high chair, eating raisins and arranging them on the table. I purposely bought a pack of raisins to keep him still. The other food that can keep him still is cornflakes.

On Saturday morning, he woke up around 8 am even though he slept after 11 pm the previous night. I was hoping that he would sleep longer – at least until 10 am. He didn’t sleep the whole afternoon. He didn’t eat much as well. I tried to get him to sleep around 4 pm but he didn’t want to.

At 6:30 pm, Yoke Kheng picked us up for dinner at Bakerzin, 1 Utama with Tracy. Jordan ate some fries before he decided to sleep. We asked him to sleep on the sofa but he refused. He sat on the high chair, rested his head on the table with his napkin and fell asleep almost immediately. The four ladies sitting next to us were amazed that he could sleep so easily. We had a peaceful dinner. I couldn’t eat much – just had pumpkin soup, a bit of salad and small pieces of chicken. Then, we walked over to Haagen Daaz for ice cream courtesy of Tracy. It was yummy! I had my favorite strawberry flavour ice cream. Jordan enjoyed it too. Yoke Kheng ordered Green Tea, and Tracy tried the new Mango Passion flavour which is quite nice. It tasted sour at the beginning but then it gets sweeter towards the end.

We arrived home around 10:30 pm. Like the previous night, it was not very difficult to get Jordan to sleep. Initially, he would sleep next to me but eventually he would roll over to his own bed.

He woke up around 8 am the next morning for church. Grace came to pick us up at 8:30 am. He behaved alright. Various people babysat for me. At the beginning, he was rather moody because he was still sleepy but after his milk he seemed energized. During the sermon, he spent the time playing with Reuel upstairs. Roy accompanied them.

After the worship service and lunch, I stayed back to attend the Facilitator’s Workshop for the Alpha course conducted brother Aaron Tham from PJEFC. During that time, Yoke Kheng and Kenny helped me to babysit Jordan.

He didn’t sleep at all the whole afternoon. He was actually really tired, and so he was grumpy and whining the whole evening. He didn’t eat much the whole day. He had a slight fever – 38.2 degrees. Finally, after much struggles with him, he fell asleep on the floor upstairs before 8:30 pm. That’s when I had my dinner – a bowl of soup and few spoons of claypot rice. I didn’t eat the chicken at all – no appetite. I was exhausted and frustrated. I cried.

I went to bed around 9 pm+. I carried him from the floor onto his bed. Unsurprisingly, he woke up around 1:30 am. He drank milk, energized again and didn’t want to sleep until almost 5 am. I even let him watch 2 VCDs. What can I do? He just woke up and he couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t force him to sleep. It may not be a good idea but I had to keep him occupied. I was really, really upset. I didn’t really scold him. He was still having a slight fever and complained that his mouth was painful. I just had to bear with him.

The next morning, I carried him to the car, and my sis and I dropped him at the babysitter.

That’s the end of my nightmare!

My Piggy Bank

My Piggy Bank after I bought petrol this morning...



(Forwarded Email)

Sleeping well and Shopping

Since the arrival of Jordan’s bed last Thursday, I have been sleeping well. I don’t have to worry about his kicks or his sudden jump on me. He sleeps well on his own bed. Thank God! He did try to cross over a few times and succeeded once. On one night, he even invited me to his bed to sleep. Lately, there is no more such tactics. He really loves his new bed.

I think I walked too much last weekend. I was at work for a meeting last Saturday. Then, in the afternoon, Jordan and I had our haircut at Ikano. I managed to buy my favorite biscuit from Cold Storage – Arnotts Shapes Chicken Crimpy.

Arnott's Shapes are a popular line of savoury biscuits produced by Arnott's in Australia. First produced in Victoria in the 1950s, they were originally made in the shape of potato chips, until bakers realised they were too difficult to cut and were a waste of dough. In 1974, they switched to the flat biscuits, which are sold today. The reason for the name "Shapes" is because of the varied shapes that the biscuits come in, depending on the flavour. Arnott's boast that Shapes are "baked, not fried," which is a less fatty method of cooking. Over 44 million packets of Shapes are consumed each year in Australia. (Source: Wikipedia).

Oooo…I love the Chicken Crimpy so much. Once the box is opened, I can finish it at one sitting. I missed the biscuits so much when I came back from Australia. I bought it once in Jusco – only once. After that, I couldn’t find it anymore. Now, they are selling only the Barbeque/Pizza flavour. I rediscovered the biscuit at Selvi’s home last week, and Roy told me that it is available only at Cold Storage. Finally, I could buy it last Saturday. I bought 5 packets. It’s not cheap – RM7.95 per packet! Jordan also loves the biscuit. I have to hide the biscuits from him. It’s too salty for him.

On Sunday, we joined my sister-in-law Huey Pin (Seng Chor’s sister), her husband, Danny and their son Jeffrey for lunch at Ikea. I enjoyed the Swedish meatballs very much. I love the cranberries sauce. Hope to eat it again. Jordan slept during lunch for about one hour. Seng Chor and I had a peaceful meal.

After that, we walked around Ikea. We accompanied Huey Pin and Danny as they shopped.

At night, we had dinner at Nando’s, Atria. It was an enjoyable meal for all of us. Jordan loves the chicken that I was having – Lemon and Herb. It’s been a long time since we had Nando’s.

After dinner, Seng Chor and I watched the F1 Racing at Monaco. I’m happy that Lewis Hamilton won.

It was a tiring but fun weekend for the Teohs.

How do you feel today?

I get this question a lot these days. I have a standard answer for it:

• Sleepy
• Tired
• Hungry
• Feel sick most of the time
• No vomiting

I was feeling dizzy last week but not anymore.

Before our Redang trip, Seng Chor and I did blood test and urine test from home. This lady, an agent (I think) for Pantai Medical Centre came over to our house to administer the test. She has been conducting the tests at Seng Chor’s company, and Seng Chor asked her to come to our house, so that we could do the tests together. The price is reasonable – RM179 for about 70 tests. She also provides jabs for Hepatitis A and B at a very affordable price as well – cheaper than normal General Practitioner (GP) clinic.

My results
The tests include

• Haematology


• Clinical Chemistry (Cholesterol)


• Renal Function Test (Sodium, Potassium, Chloride, Urea, Creatinine, Calcium, Phosphate, Uric Acid)


• Diabetic Screen


• Liver Function Test


• Endocrine – Hormones


• Immunology & Serology (Hepatitis A and B)


• Microbiology


• Blood Bank

My blood group is A Rh (D) Positive – same as my Mum. Jordan has the same blood type as mine.

Comment on my Peripheral Blood Film:
Red cells show slight anisocytosis with a normocytic normochromic picture.
White cell count appears normal with well differentiated and matured cells.
Platelets are adequate.

Overall peripheral blood film morphology appears normal.

The first comment about the red cells basically means that I have low blood pressure. It's not surprising. The lady suggested that I boil red dates regularly to drink. This will help improve my blood pressure. However, when my gynecologist checked my pressure last week, it was fine. All the results are within the normal reference range. Praise the Lord!

It’s recommended that I take the Hepatitis A immunization after my pregnancy. Otherwise, it may affect breastfeeding.

Initially, I thought that I may have cholesterol problem because the sample blood she took from me contained some white floating stuff – but it was good cholesterol. Phew!

She had to jab me twice to draw blood from me. She tried my right arm. I think I was holding on too tight and was quite tensed that the blood couldn’t flow out. So, she tried with my left arm instead. I was more relaxed. It flowed much faster than Seng Chor’s. Poor Seng Chor. It was rather painful for him and the injected area was blue-black for almost a week.

Seng Chor’s results are also within the normal reference range but few on the higher end. So, he needs to watch out his diet – cut down seafood and meat. Take more fruits and vegetables. Otherwise, he may have a cholesterol problem.

It’s advisable to test your blood and urine once a year. Knowing is better than not knowing. Remember that Old Saying, "Prevention is Better than Cure"?

The Purpose of Memoirs of Dr Cabokia

Memoirs of Dr Cabokia was born on Wednesday, July 19, 2006. It was previously known as Memoirs of Doctor Cabokia.

Finally, after months of procrastination, I upgraded my template. I upgraded Jordan’s blog first because it has fewer components. I thought that it will be troublesome to upgrade but to my surprise it was really simple. I saved a copy of the old template first in Word. Then, I selected a new template. Then, I added the new components. Finally, I copied the additional HTML code part by part from the previous template, and added them to the new template. Today, I upgraded 2 templates – mine and Seng Chor’s. Woohoo!

According to “The birth of Blog”, an article in theSun on Monday, 14 April 2008, a geek called Peter Merholz gave birth to the word “blog” nine years ago. Believe it or not - It seems that the word blog derived from the phrase “boring as a log”. Whatever it means, my blog has a purpose.

My passion for journaling has mooted the creation for this blog. At that time, I have just completed my PhD and I have time to spare for blogging. My desire was to share both my joy and heartaches as I journeyed through my PhD and as a mother to a baby who is now a handsome toddler. This blog is also one of the ways I could reach out to the younger generation, who I interact with day after day. Most of all, I want to share how God has blessed me and what I’ve learnt in life, and to channel that blessings and experiences to all that I know and love.

Ultimately, the purpose of Memoirs of Dr Cabokia is to
GLORIFY GOD!

Korean Drama Series

It’s unbelievable that I still have time for drama series these days. My sister, brother and I completed 30 episodes of Lovers last weekend. We started the Marathon on Friday night – just sis and I. My brother joined us the next day and Sunday. I didn’t watch every single episode. My sister did. I was babysitting Jordan at the same time. I slept after 1 am during the 3 nights.

The Plot - Lovers
Kang Jae is a wealthy businessman and gangster and Mi Joo is a plastic surgeon. These two meet after Mi Joo mistakens Kang Jae as being her sleazy brother-in-law. Kang Jae just happens to be the boyfriend of Mi Joo's pregnant neighbor, Yoo Jin. Sae-yeon meets Mi-Joo and falls in love with her feisty attitude. Kang-Jae works for the father of Sae-Yeon who is a gangster. Mi-Joo and Kang-Jae fall in love.

Genre
DramaComedy MelodramaRomance Romantic comedy

Extracted from Lovers

More photos from here

Lovers is one of most romantic drama series I have ever watched. The main actor Lee Seo Jin (Kang-Jae) is ruggedly handsome. It was an unlikely romance between Kang-Jae and Mi-Joo (Kim Jung Eun), where their differences both driving them apart and pulling them inexorably back together. Obviously, I can’t understand Korean. Their face expressions are enough to touch my heart and cause tear to flow. I love the parts when the couple often seems to bump onto each other at the right time and the right place. It’s simply romantic.


Ruggedly Handsome Lee Seo Jin


Kim Jung Eun and Lee Seo Jin


One of Kang-Jae's bodyguards - Cool, eh?

The first Korean Drama Series that I’ve watched is “All About Eve”, and it was also introduced by my sis. I love it very much. It was super romantic, and the main actor Jang Dong Gun is super handsome. I wouldn’t mind watching all the 20 episodes again.

The Plot – All About Eve
Sun Mi Jin (Park Chae Rim) is a lovely college student who lives with her wealthy widowed father. She has a happy childhood with her sort-of-boyfriend Woo Jin (Han Jae Suk). Life changes radically for Sun Mi when her father decides to support Young Mi Huh (Kim So Yeon), a beautiful girl the same age as Sun Mi.

Young Mi suddenly becomes an orphan when her father, an alcoholic who frequently abused her, dies in an accident while working for Mr. Jin's construction company. Young Mi has grown up in poverty, but she is not a humble person. She's arrogant, greedy and full of resentment. She envies Sun Mi for all she is and has, even Woo Jin's love.

Young Mi becomes Sun Mi's rival in every aspect of her life. First, Young Mi steals Woo Jin from Sun Mi, then tries to take over her job at a very important TV network and finally puts her eyes on Sun Mi's new boyfriend, Hyong Chul (Jang Dong Gun) one of the network's top executives, whom Sun Mi met during a trip to London. But Hyong Chul's love for Sun Mi is stronger than Young Mi's estimation. Meanwhile Woo Jin suffers of a broken heart as Young Mi makes his life miserable and finally dumps him so she can chase Hyong Chul.

The climax of the plot comes when a former lover of Young Mi appears and threatens to reveal her deepest secret should she not return to him: a dark past as a prostitute. Since the mischievous gangster did not succeed in his attempts, he decides to kill Young Mi. Woo Jin dies while saving her life. However, all of Young Mi's treachery is exposed and she attempts to commit suicide, but her efforts are frustrated when she is found unconscious by a group of nuns on the shore of the Han River. When Young Mi wakes up she suffers amnesia and has lost almost all memory of her past.

The drama ends with a happy reconciliation between Young Mi and Sun Mi, who cries beside Young Mi asking forgiveness for the misunderstanding between them since they met. Finally Hyong Chul swears eternal love and proposes to Sun Mi right in the middle of a street.

Extracted from Wikipedia – All About Eve


Jang Dong Gun
More photos of Jang Dong Gun here

I miss blogging

From the number of postings in my blog for the past few days, you can probably guess how much I miss blogging. Yup, I miss blogging a lot. In the past, I have blogged about the joy of blogging. It was written in the early stages of my blogging passion in 2006.

Since August 2007, I have been really busy with my lectures. For this academic year, I teach 3 modules – Software Design and Implementation 1 (C++), Computational Intelligence (Neural Network, Genetic Algorithm, Fuzzy Logic, Bayesian) and Java Programming.

This is the first time I am teaching the first portion of the C++ module for the Year 1. In the past, I teach only the second half. So, I had to prepare all the slides. Previously, I used Overhead Projector (OHP). But now, everything is on PowerPoint, and I use the Multimedia Projector for all my lectures.

Computational Intelligence module is in the Final Year. Being a Final Year module, it is not easy to teach. It was previously known as Soft Computing which I taught last year. This year, new topics were added. So, I need to read more. This includes research papers. It reminded me of the research papers that I had to read for my PhD which is rather stressful. Thankfully, all the slides were already prepared by the partner University. I still need to supplement the materials to improve student’s understanding.

I spent most of the time preparing for the Java module which is taught in the Foundation programme. I even had to take my work home and prepare slides and solution to the exercises. I have not been taking work home for a long time. It wasn’t easy with Jordan bugging me every now and then. Most of the time, I had to prepare after he has gone to bed. I typed out almost all the sample programs in the textbook. I tried to get the Instructor’s Manual but failed. Anyway, it was a wonderful opportunity for me to brush up my Java skills again. The next round will be much easier.

The end of the academic year is approaching soon. The Year 1 students will be having their exams on the first week May. I have completed the revision with them. They are now struggling with the assignment. I have 3 more topics to cover in Computational Intelligence. I have completed all the topics in Java. Now, its assignment completion time and revision all the way until end of April. Phew!

After April, marking starts!!! I also need to compile all the results and prepare reports. Of course, in between, I will continue to pursue some of the things that I have neglected – especially my blogs (with an ‘s’). I am actually maintaining 5 blogs. Hahaha!

The Damage to My Sister's Car

The car is now in the workshop. It will probably take 1 to 2 weeks to get it repaired.

Black Saturday

Saturday, 12 April 2008 was a black Saturday.

A series of events happened last Saturday:

1. Jordan fell from our bed – head down. He cried for a few minutes. I soothed him with the song “Rock-a-Bye Baby”. After awhile, he asked for milk and watched his Thomas and Friends VCD. There was a little bump at the back of his head. Poor boy!


2. It was about 4:45 pm. I have packed my stuff ready for my swimming lesson. Unfortunately, it rained and I made a decision that I regretted. The rain stopped before 5:30 pm but it was too late for me to go because we were having a birthday celebration at night. I felt so sad and I cried. My heart felt really heavy at the same time.


3. 7 pm+. We were at Roy and Selvi’s house for our Growth Group birthday celebration. My sister called – her car met with an accident in Sunway. The front left side of the car was badly damaged – light and part of the bumper were gone. She had a dance competition the next day, and it is just so unfortunate that this accident had to happen. We both cried.


4. Two incidents happened at Roy and Selvi’s house:
   
   
   • Seng Chor dropped a bottle of cordial onto the floor because its handle suddenly fell off. Lukki had to mop the floor.
   
   
   • Seng Chor slipped and fell down as he was coming out from the toilet. He was carrying Jordan. He hurt his left leg a bit. Jordan got a shock, and he cried for me but I didn’t hear him immediately. He wouldn’t let Seng Chor get up and kept calling for me. Seng Chor got up. I couldn’t remember he came out to look for me or I eventually heard Jordan calling me. Jordan was upset with Seng Chor and tried to push him down as I went into the room. We’re just glad that Jordan didn’t knock his head again, but somehow, it left a mark in Jordan. The next day, whenever Seng Chor lies down, Jordan would call him and ask him to get up. He requested Seng Chor to carry him a few times. It’s rather rare for Jordan to ask Seng Chor to carry him. Hopefully, Jordan will get over this episode soon.

My heart felt really heavy throughout the evening and night. Selvi asked me to read Ephesians 6:10-18 on The Armor of God aloud. I did. I also read Psalm 91 and prayed for protection for my whole family. My heart was still feeling heavy when I went to bed.

The next day, I shared with my Growth Group members what happened, and that the heaviness was still there. I felt that as if something worse is going to happen. Dolly, Selvi and Sue prayed for me. What God revealed….

• His plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me.
• Focus on God.
• Look to God and not on the circumstances.
• God is doing some sifting in me so that I can move forward with Him.
• Ask what and not why.

The following verses were also shared during the open worship, and my heart was ministered.

Psalm 42
Psalm 42:1
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Praise the Lord that I feel much better this morning. My heart feels lighter. I’m proud to share that my sister won second prize in the dance competition for both solo and group. The whole family is proud of her and we will help her get through this difficult time.

Chinese New Year 2008 til now...

4 February 2008
Company Annual Dinner at Imperial Ballroom, One World Hotel
Everyone looked forward to the door gift and lucky draw.
For the past years, I’ve got vouchers, microwave oven, portable stove, umbrella, multi-purpose cooker, Tupperware set, mini compo. This year, I prayed for a usable gift, and God blessed me with another rice cooker. Guess what? Now, we have 3 rice cookers at home – current one, second rice cooker redeemed from Citibank because the current one has scratch marks in the pot, and the third one – my door gift. We are still using the one rice cooker. Seng Chor has been asking me when I plan to use the new rice cooker. Eh…I am still thinking about it.

This is my 13th year working in the company. So far, I won the lucky draw twice – VCD player (for my bedroom) and a voucher for 2 days and 1 night stay at Damai Laut Resort, Pulau Pangkor. Unfortunately, we didn’t manage to go because Jordan was not well. I won the trip in 2006, and I was actually still on maternity leave.

5 February 2008
We left home for Penang at 8 pm, and arrived there around midnight. Then, Seng Chor had Char Koay Teow for supper. Jordan also ate some.

6 February 2008 – CNY Eve
The agenda is the same every year.
Reunion lunch – steamboat

7 February 2008 – 1st Day of CNY
Visited 1st and 2nd Aunt and family.
Late dinner at Manhattan Fish Market.

8 February 2008 – 2nd Day of CNY
Visited 3rd Uncle and family.
Then, all the relatives came over for dinner. Mum-in-law cooked noodles, prawn, lobak, mixed vegetables, etc.

9 February 2008 – 3rd Day of CNY
To the home of 3rd Aunt and family in Penang Island

10 February 2008
Left Penang around 8 pm.
As we were heading toward the Penang toll, there was a massive jam. To avoid it, Seng Chor turned to another road but it was also jammed. Then, he decided to make a U-turn to the earlier road. We realized that the jam was actually at the Penang Bridge not on the highway. We wasted about half an hour on the other road. Certain parts of the highway were quite jammed, and Seng Chor avoided them by using the trunk road. Finally, we arrived PJ around 2:15 am, 11 February 2008.

11 February 2008
Initially, I planned to cancel my annual leave and take Jordan to work with me. The office was opened for us to pay a visit to our big boss at the headquarters, followed by lion dance performance, and lunch at One World Hotel. However, Jordan didn’t wake up until 11 am. I was a bit disappointed. I was looking forward to taking him to my office, and showing him the lion dance performance. He loves to watch the lion dance.

12, 13 and 14 February 2008
I took replacement leave to take care of Jordan.
Jordan didn’t take his afternoon nap until Seng Chor came home from work. He hardly ate a proper meal and was active the whole day. It was extremely tiring.
Later, I realized that I was relying on my on strength rather than on God.

Seng Chor didn't plan anything for Valentine's Day. I expected a nice lunch but all we had was Ipoh Chicken Rice at Jalan Gasing. Sigh.

15 February 2008
It was Seng Chor’s turn to take leave to baby sit Jordan. I resumed work after almost 2 weeks. I felt relieved. For lunch, my colleague and I went to McDonald’s and we bumped onto Seng Chor and Jordan. They were playing hide and seek at the playground. What a joy to see both of them!

16 February 2008
Heavy downpour in the evening – no swimming lesson.

17 February 2008
Lunch at Patrick’s home, Subang Jaya – Seng Chor’s colleague.
Our Growth Group organized a Chinese New Year dinner at the Wong’s Residence. Eva and Lu Kenn joined us. We celebrated birthdays as well. It was a free and easy night. Food was excellent.

18 February 2008
All lectures and labs commenced – 13 hours a week until end of April 2008, not including project supervision and consultation. Super hectic indeed!

20 February 2008
3rd Aunt invited us to her house for dinner. Other relatives were there too – Tai Pak and wife, eldest Aunt, youngest Aunty and Uncle Tong, youngest Uncle and wife, and cousins. It’s good to see them again.

21 February 2008 – Chap Goh Mei
The Teoh cousins (including Seng Chor) hosted dinner at Pantai Seafood Restaurant with 2 tables.
The menu (RM 638++ per table):
- Salmon Fish Yee Sang
- Braised Shark’s Fin Soup with scallops
- Roasted Crispy Duck Hong Kong Style
- Steamed “Estuary Garoupa” Fish
- Fried King Prawn with Mushroom Sauce
- Braised Sea Cucumber with Mushroom & Sea Moss
- Prosperity Steamed Rice with Chinese Sausage
- Pantai Chinese Pastries
- Chilled Mango Cream with Sago

23 February 2008
Back to work to attend a meeting with the Marketing Department.
6th Swimming Lesson

25 February 2008
On Medical Leave – throat infection and slight fever

27 and 28 February 2008
Jordan stayed overnight at the babysitter. Seng Chor was not feeling well too.

1 March 2008
Attended Mei Yen’s wedding. I am really happy for her. It's a joy to witness the solemnisation of her marriage.

3 March 2008
Alex started his new job - second one, at Kelana Jaya.

6 March 2008
Received news from Mama that Cousin Siau Ling passed away in a car accident in Tawau last night. What a tragedy! She left behind husband and 3 young children.

Valentine's Day (2008)

A Virtual Gift from Seng Chor



Love you always

Take it easy – rest and relax

Jordan still sleeps late, and on weekends, he doesn’t take his nap until almost 4 pm. I have learned to bear with his sleeping pattern. I would let him play until he grew tired. I would entertain him as much as I could. Then, he would suck his thumb, hold his napkin and sleep.

He throws tantrums more frequently. He does it by lying on the floor and whines/cries. Most of the time, we would just leave him lying down, and he would get up on his own. Sometimes he does it with no apparent reason. One second he would be crying/whining, and another second smiling. I still don’t understand him most of the time.

He amuses me most of the time with his sudden laughter. Occasionally, I get a surprise kiss while lying on the bed. The last one was this morning.

I am waiting for him to talk. He babbles most of the time, and I love to hear it.

I am not feeling so stressed up nowadays. Just taking things easy, one day at a time. Just have fun with him everyday, and let him have fun too. (He can sleep whenever he wants.)

Disappointments, discouragement...

When I was asked to share something at the Ladies Discipleship Cell last Thursday, I really didn’t know what to share. I have even thought about it for the whole week. I felt that all I could offer at that time was disappointments and discouragement. There was no doubt that I was blessed by the ladies’ sharing on that day. But I just couldn’t express myself. I was blessed during the church camp, but I was also disappointed. I was physically tired during the church camp. Jordan was hyper active, and refused to sleep until after 12 midnight every night. I didn’t get to eat strawberry ice cream, which I wanted so badly. It was depressing to watch videos of people enjoying their ice cream at the strawberry farm, while I was confined within 4 walls with Jordan.

Actually, I have a list of disappointments and discouragement:

• Physically tired at the Church camp. Even felt frustrated.


• Didn’t get to eat strawberry ice cream in Cameron. Sad to see videos taken at the Strawberry Farm.


• Year 3 students did badly in my module.


• Poor attendance in the Dialogue session (students and KBU graduates) – first time organizing it for students.


• Seems to be just flowing to Parenting Discipleship Cell (PDC) and Ladies Discipleship Cell (LDC). Feels discouraged after PDC.


• Struggles with Jordan.


• Physically tired almost every day – lack of sleep.


• No second baby yet.


• (I’ll stop here. I think there is more).

I spent the whole afternoon alone with Jordan last Sunday. He didn’t want to sleep. He was not feeling well too – runny nose and blocked nose. I was exhausted because he slept late again the night before. Occasionally, I lied on the bed, almost falling asleep but I didn’t dare because I was afraid that he might hurt himself. I think I screamed at him once. I was so tired. Eventually, he did fall asleep – about 1 hour. Seng Chor came back after 6 pm. We were supposed to celebrate Seng Chor’s birthday together with Rachelle and the rest of the GG members. Sadly, I decided not to go – it was probably a decision made out of anger. I needed a break from both of them. I know that even if I go, I would not be able to enjoy myself. I would be more frustrated. True enough, Seng Chor said that Jordan was hyper active, couldn’t really sit still.

Alone, I watched my Hong Kong series. For dinner, I had an apple, pear and rice dumpling. I tried to sleep at 9:30 pm, but couldn’t. They came home around 10:30 pm. Surprisingly, Jordan was still wide awake – not ready to sleep yet. Poor him! He had difficulty sleeping because of his blocked nose. He woke up once or twice crying, and I had to pacify him.

Last night, Seng Chor and I had to take him out for a ride. It was almost 12 midnight. Seng Chor drove all the way down to KL. Eventually, he fell asleep. We probably reached home around 1 am. Seng Chor carried him from the car seat into his cot – first time sleeping in his cot after about 4 months! He has been sleeping in between us. What’s going to happen tonight? Is he going to sleep early/late? I really don’t know. Thinking about it is stressful.

I have been viewing God as a Problem Solver, and because problems were not solved in my own time, I got frustrated with God and blamed Him for the struggles that I go through – especially when taking care of Jordan. I need to turn my frustration into prayer. I need joy.

I wanted God to stop Jordan from crying immediately. I wanted God to heal Jordan immediately and help him to sleep well at night. God doesn’t work that way. Probably God wants me to show more love and patience towards Jordan. God wants to mold me in that area. This pruning is tough. The test seems to get harder each time.

I do miss him – I want to give him hugs and kisses. I want to play with him and teach him. He is still my precious and adorable son. I want to enjoy my time with him. I need to rebuke all evil thoughts that I have of Jordan. I feel like a terrible mother.

Lord, please help me.
Lord, put into my heart whatever is most pleasing to You.

Longest silence…tough days

My last posting was on Friday, May 11, 2007 – more than one week ago!
Last week was one of my most hectic weeks. I survived! Yippee! I have so much that I want to share but just not sure where to start…

On Friday, 18 May 2007 morning, Seng Chor left for Bandung, Indonesia for his company trip. So, my sister and I sent Jordan to the babysitter. Poor Jordan. He was down with fever – around 38 degrees Celsius. To cool him down, I used a wet towel to dap on his forehead. He looked at me in a funny way, and removed the towel. Later, I gave him Paracetamol. I said a prayer first before giving him the medicine. It was the first time I had to feed him medicine on my own, without Seng Chor. Thankfully, he swallowed the pink liquid without any struggle.

In the evening, I asked Aunty Sue to go with me to pick up Jordan. Rachelle came along too. Jordan was still feverish. He has taken the medicine twice during the day. As usual, he played with his toys and watched VCD. Around 11 pm, he got restless. He was trying to sleep but couldn’t – whining, turning and toasting on the bed. Eventually, I called Aunty Sue for help. She came over – it was about 11:30 pm. We took Jordan for a ride around Taman Tun. Occasionally, he got up and talked to Aunty Sue. After about 15 minutes or so, we decided to keep quiet. He finally slept in the car. We reached home about 1 hour later. He was still sleeping when I placed him on the bed. He did get up for awhile – whined a bit, and went back to sleep again. He woke up before 8 am.

I was supposed to work last Saturday, but Jordan was still not well. So, my sister and I took him to the doctor. We waited for the doctor for almost an hour – he was an hour late! I nearly wanted to give up waiting as Jordan was getting restless. The doctor checked his lungs, ear and throat. No infection – just a viral fever. He gave Paracetamol – orange colour. The 5 minute procedure and medicine cost us RM 64. Cost of treatment for children is super expensive indeed!

At home, the only thing to pacify him was his VCD – some nursery rhymes and learning songs. He had his milk in the morning. For lunch, he ate only 2 biscuits. But thank God that he drank quite a lot of water. Around 2:30 pm, he was uncontrollable. I almost broke down. I called Selvi. She came over immediately. We took him for a ride. He cried non stop during the car ride. Tough! We returned home. We tried a few things – water, milk, carry – all rejected. Finally, we turned on his favourite VCD and he calmed down. Phew! He watched his VCDs practically the whole Saturday – day and night, upstairs and downstairs. He didn’t sleep in the afternoon. He ate half a bowl of Nestle fish porridge for dinner, then slept around 9 pm. He woke up at about 12 midnight. We went down to watch how Manchester United lost to Chelsea. How sad! He continued to watch his VCD after that but got restless at 3 am. I called Alex to take him for a ride. Eva also joined us. So, 3 of us and a toddler left the house at 3 am in the morning. Once we left the house, he fell asleep almost immediately in the car. Alex drove along the LDP. We turned back just before we reached the toll at Sunway. He slept until 8 am.

On Sunday, we missed church. Initially, the fever seemed to have left him. After awhile, he was feverish again. He didn’t want to drink his milk at all. Just drank water. He ate 3 pieces of rice crackers, some raisins, and watched his VCD again. At 11 pm, he got restless and wanted to sleep. He slept until Seng Chor came back at 3 pm. What a long nap! I thought he would be really hungry, but he had poor appetite due to the fever. He just ate a bit of porridge which I cooked for him earlier on. Later, Seng Chor and I took him for a ride and he fell asleep in the car.

He seemed better in the evening and played with his toys. He still wanted to watch his VCD. For dinner, he ate about half a bowl of porridge. At least, he drank his milk – evening and night. He slept after 10 pm and woke up at 6 am this morning. He was restless again after drinking his milk. I had to carry and soothe him for about 10-15 minutes. On and off, he whined. Last resort – Seng Chor said, “Turn on the VCD”. I willingly obliged and let him watch. He quiet down immediately. After finishing one (about 20 minutes), I changed to a different VCD. He watched until he fell asleep. He was still sleeping when I carried him to the car.

That was my weekend of terror.
Lessons learned:

1) Don’t scream at him. It will just make things worse.
2) If all things fail, take him for a ride or turn on his VCD.

Bad lesson:

To allow him to watch VCD almost non stop. We really need to control his watching habit. Sigh!

Diving = Stress?

Seng Chor has just returned from his annual diving trip with his ex-colleagues. This time they went to Tioman Island – 4 days, 3 nights – Thursday (12/4/07) to Sunday (15/4/07). They left before dawn on Thursday, and arrived home after 9 pm on Sunday.

Few weeks before this trip, I was feeling stressful. Each time before his diving trip, I had to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually. I shared how I felt with the College Ministry Team one week ago. I believed that they have prayed for me. I felt more at peace this time and I was able to cope with Jordan. I made the decision to leave Jordan at the babysitter on Wednesday and Thursday night. So, I didn’t have to send him the morning. Driving is a stress to me. My sister and I picked him up on Friday night. I missed him.

On Friday night, I called Seng Chor, and Jordan had a brief ‘conversation’ with his Daddy. He called him Daddy a few times on the phone. He called him sweetly. It must have melted Seng Chor’s heart.

First kiss.
Before he slept, as usual, he would move all over the bed. I was prompting him to kiss me, and he finally did. It was so unexpected. So touching. He gave me another kiss again in the morning.

Saturday was his 16th month Birthday. He was rather sticky in the morning and night. I had to carry him on and off. The same thing happened yesterday. So, this morning, I woke up with aches on my legs and my right arm. It was worth it. I didn’t feel stressful, just a bit tired.

Once again, I thank God for giving me the strength, patience and love to care for Jordan. I appreciate the visit (cum dinner) from Yoke Kheng, Tracy, Kenny and Kevin on Saturday. Uncle Wing Cheong called up to find out how I was doing. It’s just wonderful to be part of the BUC family.

Good Friday – 4 years ago

Today is Good Friday. Good Friday is the Friday before Easter. It commemorates the crucifixion and death of Jesus at Calvary.

Four years ago, I had a miscarriage, and on Good Friday I underwent D&C – Dilation and Curettage. The fetus was about 8 to 10 weeks old, and it was not healthy.

It was a painful experience – not physically but emotionally and spiritually. I have penned down some of my thoughts during that time, and would like to share some of them here. May the Lord’s Name be glorified through this sharing.

============================================

18 April 2003 (Good Friday)

7:00 am
Arrived at Damansara Specialist Hospital (DSH)
Accompanied by Seng Chor and Uncle Chris.

7:30 am - Admitted.

7:45 am - Taken to Day Ward (Felt no fear)

8:45 am to about 9:15 am - in Operation Theatre
[What happens during the D&C? First I was given a general anesthetic by an anesthetist. The gynaecologist opens (dilates) the cervix with instruments called dilators, and then inserts a hollow tube through the cervix. Suction is applied to remove the retained tissue – ie. curettage.]
Woke up at about 9:30 am
Rested before leaving DSH at 10:45 am
Aunty Luan prepared lunch – porridge with fish
Dolly dropped by – prepared red dates, black dates and Tong Kuai drink, prayed for me

Evening - Romayne came to visit.

Dinner
Sue prepared dinner – broccoli, fish and chicken cooked with sesame oil and ginger

Night – Felt a sense of loss.

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19 April 2003 (Saturday)

Felt a sense of loss.
A lot of thoughts flooded my mind.
- tendency to blame myself
- questions – why? why? why?
- remembered Yoke Lai’s email – God’s will

Because God loves me, he knows what’s best for me.
I may have lost a child but I have gained much support from brothers and sisters in Christ. Nothing can take away that love.
“Lord, You are good and Your mercy forever endures”. This song was with me for the past few days. God led me to this song during the worship last Sunday (13 April 2003).

God in His love, goodness and mercy has prepared me even two weeks ago when the heartbeat of the fetus was not detected. He gave me peace.

Afternoon, couldn’t sleep – grieved
- Shared with Seng Chor
- Watched ‘Sound of Music’ VCD

Evening
Mr & Mrs Yip, John and Wan Yi came.
Later, Helen, Sebastian, Susan, Jean, Soon Seng and Yoke Kheng came as well.
Shared with them.
Susan prayed for me – felt comforted.

Felt better
Slept well at night.

============================================

20 April 2003 (Easter Sunday)

Growth Group came after worship service.
(Nai Kyn, Yoke Teen, Selvi, Roy, Wing Cheong, Sue, Michelle, Rachelle, Ming Yue and Ming Han)
- Shared with them my grief.
Roy shared how he felt when Selvi told him the news. He grieved with me.

All prayed for me and Seng Chor.
Prayers that I could remember:
Ming Yue – take away troubles/disturbances
Selvi – God will not withhold something that is good for me. Psalm 34.
Wing Cheong – Reminder – God ‘lost’ His one and only Son, Jesus, too. He knows how I feel.
Nai Kyn – To ‘experience’ God, to really know God. (Not just head knowledge.)

Songs that we sang:
Bind us together, Lord
Jesus, Lamb of God
Give thanks
Lord, You are good.

It’s ok to grieve to cry out before God. I’m not angry with God. I know that God has His purpose but I need to know more than that. To truly experience His comfort, His presence. I have asked this question before – “What is it that you want me to know about You, Lord through this experience?”

Have I found it?
“Lord, You are good and Your mercy forever endures.”

Night: Felt sense of joy within.

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21 April 2003 (Monday)

Sms to Selvi – God is teaching me to rejoice in Him.

From Selvi – continue to let God have His way in me.

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22 April 2003 (Tuesday)

Felt better.

When God opens the window of Heaven,
He asked, “What is your wish for today?”
I said, “God, please take good care of the person who is reading this message.”
(From Soo Fun)

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23 April 2003 (Wednesday)

From Selvi – Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.

Night: Felt terrible – wept.

============================================

24 April 2003 (Thursday)

Still feeling sad.

“At times I could not see You
Even though You were close by”

Lord, somehow I feel that You are far away. Why?
Help me know You are near.

============================================

25 April 2003 (Friday)

From Selvi – May the joy of the Lord be your strength.

Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I’m Your friend

You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause nothing else can take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You

You’re all I want
You’re all I’ve ever needed
You’re all I want
Help me know You are near.

From Yoke Kheng:
A woman of real beauty smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress and grows brave by reflection and prayers. Send this to a beautiful woman…I just did – you.

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27 April 2003 (Saturday)

More energetic.

Psalm 103:14-18
For He knows how we were made; He remembers that we are dust.
As for mortals, their days are like grass; they flourish like a flower of the field;
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children.
To those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments.

Life is brief – live is to the fullest.

============================================

28 April 2003 (Monday)

From Mama –
Have a pleasant afternoon,
Be cheerful all the way
God bless you always.

============================================

That was what happened 4 years ago – I lost a child on Good Friday. Two years after that, around the same time, I was conceived with Jordan. God’s timing is always perfect, always the best. When I conceived the first time, I was just starting my PhD research. It would have been much tougher for me – babysitting and doing my research at the same time. Jordan came at the perfect timing – after the completion of my research. It was like a gift/reward for my PhD.

There are a lot of things in life that we don’t understand. Many times, we don’t need to have a full understanding or knowledge in the experience that we go through. The important thing is to remain faithful in the Almighty One who knows what’s best for us. Let God be God.

Isaiah 55:9 (NIV)
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Daniel 2:20 (NIV)
and said: "Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his.

Happy

I am happy because ...

• Jordan calls me Mama
• Jordan can walk steadily
• Jordan eats the porridge cooked by me
• Penang relatives say that Jordan looks more like me now
• Jordan is happy

Yes, I am Jordan's biggest fan!