Falling asleep on the baby chair
(Sunday lunchtime, 22 April 2007)
I was feeding him tau fu. He ate about half of it. Suddenly, he became quiet and started to suck his thumb. One or two minutes later, he moved forward and lied on the table of the baby chair. I gave him a napkin. He was still sucking his thumb. We watched him as he slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep within 5 minutes. It just dawned on me that that was how Seng Chor fell asleep during his classes. Is this a sign of Jordan following his Daddy’s footsteps? Hahaha…
‘Scolded’ by Jordan
(Sunday evening, 22 April 2007)
He was trying to squeeze his musical toy through the gap on top of the bed. I told him not to. Then, he turned to face me, babbled something that sounds like scolding me. It was funny. He babbled quite loudly and his hands were at his side. After that, he tried to push his musical toy down again.
Moving along using his buttocks
Tuesday, 24 April 2007
He was sitting on the floor – about 2 – 3 feet away from me. I was taking my dinner. He wanted some of my food. Instead of getting up and walked towards me, he moved forward using his buttocks. It’s amusing.
Everyday
Looking for Me
Whenever I am out of sight and not playing with him, he would come to look for me. Most of the time, I would be doing some chores in the kitchen. I would then stop what I was doing, hold his hands and walk together to his toys. As I held his hands and walked, he would let out a funny laughter expressing his joy.
Sticking to Me
He often sticks to me when he sleeps. He also likes to place his head on my body.
Hide and Seek
It’s always fun to play hide and seek with him. Seng Chor and I would hide in different corners of the room, and call out his name. He would then come and look for us. Once he found us, again he would let out the funny laughter. He has such a cheeky laughter and joyous smile on his face.
Dancing
Jordan dances. He steps forward, backward, left and right. It was amusing to see him dancing to a catchy music. He would clap his hands too.
Head-to-Head
Try to bend down and lower your head. Jordan will come and give you a head butt. He does the same thing to the babysitter, and the Daddy proudly said that he taught Jordan the ‘skill’. Watch out! It can be painful. His laughter is contagius too.
Every moment with Jordan is precious. I will treasure every second of it.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
4th Kiss - The Fairest
Tuesday night (24 April 2007)
He was sitting on the changing table. I was in the washroom. Daddy prompted him for a kiss, and he kissed Daddy on the cheek. Then, I came out from the washroom, and requested for a kiss as well. Woohoo! He kissed me on the cheek! One for Daddy and one for Mummy.
It seems more difficult for Jordan to call "Mummy". So, I have taught him to call me, "Mama". He has been calling me, "Mama" for the past few days. I am no longer jealous. Hahaha...
He was sitting on the changing table. I was in the washroom. Daddy prompted him for a kiss, and he kissed Daddy on the cheek. Then, I came out from the washroom, and requested for a kiss as well. Woohoo! He kissed me on the cheek! One for Daddy and one for Mummy.
It seems more difficult for Jordan to call "Mummy". So, I have taught him to call me, "Mama". He has been calling me, "Mama" for the past few days. I am no longer jealous. Hahaha...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Chloe's 19th Birthday
Chloe is a student in the Foundation in Art and Design. She attends the KBU Christian Fellowship. Last Wednesday, 18 April 2007, we celebrated her 19th birthday together with her classmates.
Did you notice how the cake turned out after the candles were blown? One of her classmates has actually pushed her face onto the cake. Poor Chloe! Her face was covered with blueberry and cream. I didn't snap any photo of that incident because I didn't want to embarass her. She managed to get herself cleaned up quite fast. In the end, we still enjoyed the cake - none was wasted.
This is her last teenage year - she will be 20 next year. May God continue to shower her with much blessings and guide her in all ways.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Types of Bloggers
Blogaholics United
By Emmelyn Cindy Mah
(R.A.G.E., The Star, Thursday, 19 April 2007, page 8)
In the here and now, hundreds and thousands of blogs exist in the inner sanctums of the World Wide Web. Why do people blog? As there are many blogs found in sites such as LiveJournal, Xanga, Friendster, and Blogspot, there are just as many reasons.
I’ve had a blog for about four years now. In that period of time, I’ve come to realise that there are many kinds of bloggers, with numerous colourful personalities in rainbow shades. The most prominent of these are listed below.
Occasional Blogger
An occasional blogger does not blog at every given opportunity. Instead, his blog entries, usually dated months from each other, include details from special events of his life. Perhaps an unforgettable first date, or even a fun family get-together.
This is a particularly healthy blogging style that many adopt these days. One of the reasons being that it does not control the blogger’s life, and a perfect balance is formed.
Entertainer Blogger
The entertainer blogger is a bit of a fun-loving, crowd-pleasing fellow. He enjoys decking out entry after entry of public-friendly posts for the reading pleasures of others.
Usually, his entries consist of random, but entertaining articles, such as links to online games, jokes, web comics, videos, and music, to name a few.
Political Blogger
The political blogger is hard to miss. He makes his home in a meticulously streamlined, sensible looking, and stylishly personalised (down to the last pixel) blog that radiates with an aura of brilliant seriousness. Page after page is filled with his views on latest political issue, and perhaps other important happenings around his world. These kinds of blogs are usually very intelligent, and very adult.
Obsessive Blogger
Behold the obsessive blogger! He spends hours each day on the computer, typing in every-single-meager-detail of his day to post in his blogs! Blogs of these kinds are filled page-to-page with minute details, from what he had for breakfast, to what colour shirt he wore that day.
Most of the time, these blogs are for the reading pleasure of the blogger, and close personal friends only. Indeed, it is difficult to find a stranger who is interested in such blogs.
Memory-Diary Blogger
The memory-diary blogger keeps a blog for one purpose, and one purpose only. He had an awful memory that surpasses even (from Finding Nemo) Dory’s. His blog is filled, entry after entry, with important events in his daily life that requires attention. These little reminders can be quite a tedious for blog readers, but the purpose of it is clear; such a blog enables the write to recall events in his past days at the click of a mouse.
=======================================
So, which kind of blogger best describes you?
I think, in my early blogging days, I was an obsessive blogger. Hmm…some entries were filled with minute details about my son rather than me. Hehehehe. Now, I’m not sure whether I fit into any of the categories mentioned. Let me think…probably a Frequent Blogger with random entries – mostly about my son, my experiences with God, my interests, occasionally about my work, etc.
By Emmelyn Cindy Mah
(R.A.G.E., The Star, Thursday, 19 April 2007, page 8)
In the here and now, hundreds and thousands of blogs exist in the inner sanctums of the World Wide Web. Why do people blog? As there are many blogs found in sites such as LiveJournal, Xanga, Friendster, and Blogspot, there are just as many reasons.
I’ve had a blog for about four years now. In that period of time, I’ve come to realise that there are many kinds of bloggers, with numerous colourful personalities in rainbow shades. The most prominent of these are listed below.
Occasional Blogger
An occasional blogger does not blog at every given opportunity. Instead, his blog entries, usually dated months from each other, include details from special events of his life. Perhaps an unforgettable first date, or even a fun family get-together.
This is a particularly healthy blogging style that many adopt these days. One of the reasons being that it does not control the blogger’s life, and a perfect balance is formed.
Entertainer Blogger
The entertainer blogger is a bit of a fun-loving, crowd-pleasing fellow. He enjoys decking out entry after entry of public-friendly posts for the reading pleasures of others.
Usually, his entries consist of random, but entertaining articles, such as links to online games, jokes, web comics, videos, and music, to name a few.
Political Blogger
The political blogger is hard to miss. He makes his home in a meticulously streamlined, sensible looking, and stylishly personalised (down to the last pixel) blog that radiates with an aura of brilliant seriousness. Page after page is filled with his views on latest political issue, and perhaps other important happenings around his world. These kinds of blogs are usually very intelligent, and very adult.
Obsessive Blogger
Behold the obsessive blogger! He spends hours each day on the computer, typing in every-single-meager-detail of his day to post in his blogs! Blogs of these kinds are filled page-to-page with minute details, from what he had for breakfast, to what colour shirt he wore that day.
Most of the time, these blogs are for the reading pleasure of the blogger, and close personal friends only. Indeed, it is difficult to find a stranger who is interested in such blogs.
Memory-Diary Blogger
The memory-diary blogger keeps a blog for one purpose, and one purpose only. He had an awful memory that surpasses even (from Finding Nemo) Dory’s. His blog is filled, entry after entry, with important events in his daily life that requires attention. These little reminders can be quite a tedious for blog readers, but the purpose of it is clear; such a blog enables the write to recall events in his past days at the click of a mouse.
=======================================
So, which kind of blogger best describes you?
I think, in my early blogging days, I was an obsessive blogger. Hmm…some entries were filled with minute details about my son rather than me. Hehehehe. Now, I’m not sure whether I fit into any of the categories mentioned. Let me think…probably a Frequent Blogger with random entries – mostly about my son, my experiences with God, my interests, occasionally about my work, etc.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Third kiss – The Sweetest
I was carrying him. We were both facing the mirror. I blew him flying kisses, and placed them on his cheeks. Suddenly, he kissed me on the right cheek. Ooohhh….it was so sweet. I was looking at the mirror when he kissed me, and I saw that quick and gentle kiss. That sweet moment is now in my ‘hard drive’ – stored permanently.
(The precious moment happened on Sunday, 15 April 2007, at night)
(The precious moment happened on Sunday, 15 April 2007, at night)
Monday, April 16, 2007
Diving = Stress?
Seng Chor has just returned from his annual diving trip with his ex-colleagues. This time they went to Tioman Island – 4 days, 3 nights – Thursday (12/4/07) to Sunday (15/4/07). They left before dawn on Thursday, and arrived home after 9 pm on Sunday.
Few weeks before this trip, I was feeling stressful. Each time before his diving trip, I had to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually. I shared how I felt with the College Ministry Team one week ago. I believed that they have prayed for me. I felt more at peace this time and I was able to cope with Jordan. I made the decision to leave Jordan at the babysitter on Wednesday and Thursday night. So, I didn’t have to send him the morning. Driving is a stress to me. My sister and I picked him up on Friday night. I missed him.
On Friday night, I called Seng Chor, and Jordan had a brief ‘conversation’ with his Daddy. He called him Daddy a few times on the phone. He called him sweetly. It must have melted Seng Chor’s heart.
First kiss.
Before he slept, as usual, he would move all over the bed. I was prompting him to kiss me, and he finally did. It was so unexpected. So touching. He gave me another kiss again in the morning.
Saturday was his 16th month Birthday. He was rather sticky in the morning and night. I had to carry him on and off. The same thing happened yesterday. So, this morning, I woke up with aches on my legs and my right arm. It was worth it. I didn’t feel stressful, just a bit tired.
Once again, I thank God for giving me the strength, patience and love to care for Jordan. I appreciate the visit (cum dinner) from Yoke Kheng, Tracy, Kenny and Kevin on Saturday. Uncle Wing Cheong called up to find out how I was doing. It’s just wonderful to be part of the BUC family.
Few weeks before this trip, I was feeling stressful. Each time before his diving trip, I had to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually. I shared how I felt with the College Ministry Team one week ago. I believed that they have prayed for me. I felt more at peace this time and I was able to cope with Jordan. I made the decision to leave Jordan at the babysitter on Wednesday and Thursday night. So, I didn’t have to send him the morning. Driving is a stress to me. My sister and I picked him up on Friday night. I missed him.
On Friday night, I called Seng Chor, and Jordan had a brief ‘conversation’ with his Daddy. He called him Daddy a few times on the phone. He called him sweetly. It must have melted Seng Chor’s heart.
First kiss.
Before he slept, as usual, he would move all over the bed. I was prompting him to kiss me, and he finally did. It was so unexpected. So touching. He gave me another kiss again in the morning.
Saturday was his 16th month Birthday. He was rather sticky in the morning and night. I had to carry him on and off. The same thing happened yesterday. So, this morning, I woke up with aches on my legs and my right arm. It was worth it. I didn’t feel stressful, just a bit tired.
Once again, I thank God for giving me the strength, patience and love to care for Jordan. I appreciate the visit (cum dinner) from Yoke Kheng, Tracy, Kenny and Kevin on Saturday. Uncle Wing Cheong called up to find out how I was doing. It’s just wonderful to be part of the BUC family.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Workshop at SMK St Mary
Today, I had the opportunity to conduct a workshop on Microsoft FrontPage for about 40 students from the St Mary Secondary School, Kepong. These students are members of the school Computer Club. The workshop was conducted at their Computer Lab. There are 40 computers in the lab but not all the computers were installed with Microsoft FrontPage. Most of the students had to share the computers.
I started off with some basic principles, and then showed them a sample web site that I have prepared earlier on. After that, the hands-on session began. The theme was to create a personal web page. On completion of the workshop, the students learned the following:
- Create a new site
- Insert web pages
- Insert text and pictures
- Format text – font type, size
- Create and edit table
- Create frame pages
- Create various hyperlinks
- Preview the web pages in a browser
The whole session was 1 and a half hour – from 2 to 3:30 pm. Actually, I had a few more topics to cover – creating forms, publishing and security. I’m happy with what we have achieved so far with the students. Another workshop may be arranged again in 1 or 2 months time.
Overall, the feedback was good. Thank God for wisdom and strength.
I started off with some basic principles, and then showed them a sample web site that I have prepared earlier on. After that, the hands-on session began. The theme was to create a personal web page. On completion of the workshop, the students learned the following:
- Create a new site
- Insert web pages
- Insert text and pictures
- Format text – font type, size
- Create and edit table
- Create frame pages
- Create various hyperlinks
- Preview the web pages in a browser
The whole session was 1 and a half hour – from 2 to 3:30 pm. Actually, I had a few more topics to cover – creating forms, publishing and security. I’m happy with what we have achieved so far with the students. Another workshop may be arranged again in 1 or 2 months time.
Overall, the feedback was good. Thank God for wisdom and strength.
Monday, April 09, 2007
YouthJazzOrchestra @ KBU
Friday, 6 April 2007
It was my first live Jazz Orchestra, and it was free; thanks to the sponsors – KBU International College and The Goethe-Institut Kuala Lumpur.
The YouthJazzOrchestra (YJO NRW) exists since 1975. North Rhine Westphalia was the first Federal State to establish and support a YouthJazzOrchestra, with much help from the former State President Johannes Rau.
Though I’m not a fan of Jazz, I enjoyed the performance. It was not just instrumental all the way. There was live singing too by 2 female singers. The conductors were pretty humorous. They even celebrated one of the band member’s 21st birthday by playing a birthday song. The birthday boy actually played the saxophone solo for his own birthday song!
The programme consists of 2 sets:
1st Set
Black Nile
Cantaloupe Island
Monk Bunk And Vice Versa
Canon
Footprints
Bye Bye Blackbird
Groovin’ High
Going Home
Rasa Sayang (This is cool! The Germans actually sang this Malay song.)
Intermission
2nd Set
Black Power
Kein schöner Land
Hurtig
Morello
Besame Mucho
Pep Talk
Goodbye Porkpie Hat
Ugly Man
Dat Wasser von Kölle
Rasa Sayang (Encore)
11:30 pm Concert Ends
=======================================
For each song, various soloist performed – piano, keyboard, saxophone, trumpet, bass and drum. The drummer was cool! I would probably love to see Jordan playing the drum one day. He just loves to bang everywhere.
Who did I go with? Sahaya came to pick me up. Then, we met up with Pei Lu and her 2 friends at the College. Okay! Okay! I felt bad that I sat in between the Couple. (I got scolded by some people for spoiling their date. :p :p). Promise, no more next time. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Next question, where were Seng Chor and Jordan? They were in the church for Prayer & Praise. The performance was a good opportunity for me to have a night on my own. I hardly had any chance to leave the house at night. But...that night, both of them came home after me! They had supper at McDonald's with my sis-in-law (Seng Chor's sister) and hubby. Jordan was still pretty much wide awake!
Overall, it was a good night for us.
It was my first live Jazz Orchestra, and it was free; thanks to the sponsors – KBU International College and The Goethe-Institut Kuala Lumpur.
The YouthJazzOrchestra (YJO NRW) exists since 1975. North Rhine Westphalia was the first Federal State to establish and support a YouthJazzOrchestra, with much help from the former State President Johannes Rau.
Though I’m not a fan of Jazz, I enjoyed the performance. It was not just instrumental all the way. There was live singing too by 2 female singers. The conductors were pretty humorous. They even celebrated one of the band member’s 21st birthday by playing a birthday song. The birthday boy actually played the saxophone solo for his own birthday song!
The programme consists of 2 sets:
1st Set
Black Nile
Cantaloupe Island
Monk Bunk And Vice Versa
Canon
Footprints
Bye Bye Blackbird
Groovin’ High
Going Home
Rasa Sayang (This is cool! The Germans actually sang this Malay song.)
Intermission
2nd Set
Black Power
Kein schöner Land
Hurtig
Morello
Besame Mucho
Pep Talk
Goodbye Porkpie Hat
Ugly Man
Dat Wasser von Kölle
Rasa Sayang (Encore)
11:30 pm Concert Ends
=======================================
For each song, various soloist performed – piano, keyboard, saxophone, trumpet, bass and drum. The drummer was cool! I would probably love to see Jordan playing the drum one day. He just loves to bang everywhere.
Who did I go with? Sahaya came to pick me up. Then, we met up with Pei Lu and her 2 friends at the College. Okay! Okay! I felt bad that I sat in between the Couple. (I got scolded by some people for spoiling their date. :p :p). Promise, no more next time. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Next question, where were Seng Chor and Jordan? They were in the church for Prayer & Praise. The performance was a good opportunity for me to have a night on my own. I hardly had any chance to leave the house at night. But...that night, both of them came home after me! They had supper at McDonald's with my sis-in-law (Seng Chor's sister) and hubby. Jordan was still pretty much wide awake!
Overall, it was a good night for us.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Good Friday – 4 years ago
Today is Good Friday. Good Friday is the Friday before Easter. It commemorates the crucifixion and death of Jesus at Calvary.
Four years ago, I had a miscarriage, and on Good Friday I underwent D&C – Dilation and Curettage. The fetus was about 8 to 10 weeks old, and it was not healthy.
It was a painful experience – not physically but emotionally and spiritually. I have penned down some of my thoughts during that time, and would like to share some of them here. May the Lord’s Name be glorified through this sharing.
============================================
18 April 2003 (Good Friday)
7:00 am
Arrived at Damansara Specialist Hospital (DSH)
Accompanied by Seng Chor and Uncle Chris.
7:30 am - Admitted.
7:45 am - Taken to Day Ward (Felt no fear)
8:45 am to about 9:15 am - in Operation Theatre
[What happens during the D&C? First I was given a general anesthetic by an anesthetist. The gynaecologist opens (dilates) the cervix with instruments called dilators, and then inserts a hollow tube through the cervix. Suction is applied to remove the retained tissue – ie. curettage.]
Woke up at about 9:30 am
Rested before leaving DSH at 10:45 am
Aunty Luan prepared lunch – porridge with fish
Dolly dropped by – prepared red dates, black dates and Tong Kuai drink, prayed for me
Evening - Romayne came to visit.
Dinner
Sue prepared dinner – broccoli, fish and chicken cooked with sesame oil and ginger
Night – Felt a sense of loss.
============================================
19 April 2003 (Saturday)
Felt a sense of loss.
A lot of thoughts flooded my mind.
- tendency to blame myself
- questions – why? why? why?
- remembered Yoke Lai’s email – God’s will
Because God loves me, he knows what’s best for me.
I may have lost a child but I have gained much support from brothers and sisters in Christ. Nothing can take away that love.
“Lord, You are good and Your mercy forever endures”. This song was with me for the past few days. God led me to this song during the worship last Sunday (13 April 2003).
God in His love, goodness and mercy has prepared me even two weeks ago when the heartbeat of the fetus was not detected. He gave me peace.
Afternoon, couldn’t sleep – grieved
- Shared with Seng Chor
- Watched ‘Sound of Music’ VCD
Evening
Mr & Mrs Yip, John and Wan Yi came.
Later, Helen, Sebastian, Susan, Jean, Soon Seng and Yoke Kheng came as well.
Shared with them.
Susan prayed for me – felt comforted.
Felt better
Slept well at night.
============================================
20 April 2003 (Easter Sunday)
Growth Group came after worship service.
(Nai Kyn, Yoke Teen, Selvi, Roy, Wing Cheong, Sue, Michelle, Rachelle, Ming Yue and Ming Han)
- Shared with them my grief.
Roy shared how he felt when Selvi told him the news. He grieved with me.
All prayed for me and Seng Chor.
Prayers that I could remember:
Ming Yue – take away troubles/disturbances
Selvi – God will not withhold something that is good for me. Psalm 34.
Wing Cheong – Reminder – God ‘lost’ His one and only Son, Jesus, too. He knows how I feel.
Nai Kyn – To ‘experience’ God, to really know God. (Not just head knowledge.)
Songs that we sang:
Bind us together, Lord
Jesus, Lamb of God
Give thanks
Lord, You are good.
It’s ok to grieve to cry out before God. I’m not angry with God. I know that God has His purpose but I need to know more than that. To truly experience His comfort, His presence. I have asked this question before – “What is it that you want me to know about You, Lord through this experience?”
Have I found it?
“Lord, You are good and Your mercy forever endures.”
Night: Felt sense of joy within.
============================================
21 April 2003 (Monday)
Sms to Selvi – God is teaching me to rejoice in Him.
From Selvi – continue to let God have His way in me.
============================================
22 April 2003 (Tuesday)
Felt better.
When God opens the window of Heaven,
He asked, “What is your wish for today?”
I said, “God, please take good care of the person who is reading this message.”
(From Soo Fun)
============================================
23 April 2003 (Wednesday)
From Selvi – Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Night: Felt terrible – wept.
============================================
24 April 2003 (Thursday)
Still feeling sad.
“At times I could not see You
Even though You were close by”
Lord, somehow I feel that You are far away. Why?
Help me know You are near.
============================================
25 April 2003 (Friday)
From Selvi – May the joy of the Lord be your strength.
Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I’m Your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause nothing else can take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You
You’re all I want
You’re all I’ve ever needed
You’re all I want
Help me know You are near.
From Yoke Kheng:
A woman of real beauty smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress and grows brave by reflection and prayers. Send this to a beautiful woman…I just did – you.
============================================
27 April 2003 (Saturday)
More energetic.
Psalm 103:14-18
For He knows how we were made; He remembers that we are dust.
As for mortals, their days are like grass; they flourish like a flower of the field;
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children.
To those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments.
Life is brief – live is to the fullest.
============================================
28 April 2003 (Monday)
From Mama –
Have a pleasant afternoon,
Be cheerful all the way
God bless you always.
============================================
That was what happened 4 years ago – I lost a child on Good Friday. Two years after that, around the same time, I was conceived with Jordan. God’s timing is always perfect, always the best. When I conceived the first time, I was just starting my PhD research. It would have been much tougher for me – babysitting and doing my research at the same time. Jordan came at the perfect timing – after the completion of my research. It was like a gift/reward for my PhD.
There are a lot of things in life that we don’t understand. Many times, we don’t need to have a full understanding or knowledge in the experience that we go through. The important thing is to remain faithful in the Almighty One who knows what’s best for us. Let God be God.
Isaiah 55:9 (NIV)
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Daniel 2:20 (NIV)
and said: "Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his.
Four years ago, I had a miscarriage, and on Good Friday I underwent D&C – Dilation and Curettage. The fetus was about 8 to 10 weeks old, and it was not healthy.
It was a painful experience – not physically but emotionally and spiritually. I have penned down some of my thoughts during that time, and would like to share some of them here. May the Lord’s Name be glorified through this sharing.
============================================
18 April 2003 (Good Friday)
7:00 am
Arrived at Damansara Specialist Hospital (DSH)
Accompanied by Seng Chor and Uncle Chris.
7:30 am - Admitted.
7:45 am - Taken to Day Ward (Felt no fear)
8:45 am to about 9:15 am - in Operation Theatre
[What happens during the D&C? First I was given a general anesthetic by an anesthetist. The gynaecologist opens (dilates) the cervix with instruments called dilators, and then inserts a hollow tube through the cervix. Suction is applied to remove the retained tissue – ie. curettage.]
Woke up at about 9:30 am
Rested before leaving DSH at 10:45 am
Aunty Luan prepared lunch – porridge with fish
Dolly dropped by – prepared red dates, black dates and Tong Kuai drink, prayed for me
Evening - Romayne came to visit.
Dinner
Sue prepared dinner – broccoli, fish and chicken cooked with sesame oil and ginger
Night – Felt a sense of loss.
============================================
19 April 2003 (Saturday)
Felt a sense of loss.
A lot of thoughts flooded my mind.
- tendency to blame myself
- questions – why? why? why?
- remembered Yoke Lai’s email – God’s will
Because God loves me, he knows what’s best for me.
I may have lost a child but I have gained much support from brothers and sisters in Christ. Nothing can take away that love.
“Lord, You are good and Your mercy forever endures”. This song was with me for the past few days. God led me to this song during the worship last Sunday (13 April 2003).
God in His love, goodness and mercy has prepared me even two weeks ago when the heartbeat of the fetus was not detected. He gave me peace.
Afternoon, couldn’t sleep – grieved
- Shared with Seng Chor
- Watched ‘Sound of Music’ VCD
Evening
Mr & Mrs Yip, John and Wan Yi came.
Later, Helen, Sebastian, Susan, Jean, Soon Seng and Yoke Kheng came as well.
Shared with them.
Susan prayed for me – felt comforted.
Felt better
Slept well at night.
============================================
20 April 2003 (Easter Sunday)
Growth Group came after worship service.
(Nai Kyn, Yoke Teen, Selvi, Roy, Wing Cheong, Sue, Michelle, Rachelle, Ming Yue and Ming Han)
- Shared with them my grief.
Roy shared how he felt when Selvi told him the news. He grieved with me.
All prayed for me and Seng Chor.
Prayers that I could remember:
Ming Yue – take away troubles/disturbances
Selvi – God will not withhold something that is good for me. Psalm 34.
Wing Cheong – Reminder – God ‘lost’ His one and only Son, Jesus, too. He knows how I feel.
Nai Kyn – To ‘experience’ God, to really know God. (Not just head knowledge.)
Songs that we sang:
Bind us together, Lord
Jesus, Lamb of God
Give thanks
Lord, You are good.
It’s ok to grieve to cry out before God. I’m not angry with God. I know that God has His purpose but I need to know more than that. To truly experience His comfort, His presence. I have asked this question before – “What is it that you want me to know about You, Lord through this experience?”
Have I found it?
“Lord, You are good and Your mercy forever endures.”
Night: Felt sense of joy within.
============================================
21 April 2003 (Monday)
Sms to Selvi – God is teaching me to rejoice in Him.
From Selvi – continue to let God have His way in me.
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22 April 2003 (Tuesday)
Felt better.
When God opens the window of Heaven,
He asked, “What is your wish for today?”
I said, “God, please take good care of the person who is reading this message.”
(From Soo Fun)
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23 April 2003 (Wednesday)
From Selvi – Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Night: Felt terrible – wept.
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24 April 2003 (Thursday)
Still feeling sad.
“At times I could not see You
Even though You were close by”
Lord, somehow I feel that You are far away. Why?
Help me know You are near.
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25 April 2003 (Friday)
From Selvi – May the joy of the Lord be your strength.
Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I’m Your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause nothing else can take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You
You’re all I want
You’re all I’ve ever needed
You’re all I want
Help me know You are near.
From Yoke Kheng:
A woman of real beauty smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress and grows brave by reflection and prayers. Send this to a beautiful woman…I just did – you.
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27 April 2003 (Saturday)
More energetic.
Psalm 103:14-18
For He knows how we were made; He remembers that we are dust.
As for mortals, their days are like grass; they flourish like a flower of the field;
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children.
To those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments.
Life is brief – live is to the fullest.
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28 April 2003 (Monday)
From Mama –
Have a pleasant afternoon,
Be cheerful all the way
God bless you always.
============================================
That was what happened 4 years ago – I lost a child on Good Friday. Two years after that, around the same time, I was conceived with Jordan. God’s timing is always perfect, always the best. When I conceived the first time, I was just starting my PhD research. It would have been much tougher for me – babysitting and doing my research at the same time. Jordan came at the perfect timing – after the completion of my research. It was like a gift/reward for my PhD.
There are a lot of things in life that we don’t understand. Many times, we don’t need to have a full understanding or knowledge in the experience that we go through. The important thing is to remain faithful in the Almighty One who knows what’s best for us. Let God be God.
Isaiah 55:9 (NIV)
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Daniel 2:20 (NIV)
and said: "Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Jordan Teoh has fallen down
(Sing to the tune of London Bridge is Falling Down)
Jordan Teoh has fallen down
Fallen down, fallen down
Jordan Teoh has fallen down
My poor baby.
Pick him up and calm him down
Calm him down, calm him down
Pick him up and calm him down
My dear Jordan.
Jordan Teoh has fallen down
Fallen down, fallen down
Jordan Teoh has fallen down
My poor baby.
Pick him up and calm him down
Calm him down, calm him down
Pick him up and calm him down
My dear Jordan.
========================================
Recently, Jordan fell down from our bed twice. The first time was last weekend when he was walking on the bed. I was with him at that time. He was walking on the edge of the bed when one of his legs suddenly slipped and he fell side ways. The second time was last night. I was doing some work downstairs when I heard a loud thud from upstairs, followed by a loud cry. Seng Chor has fallen asleep but poor Jordan rolled off the bed. I pacified him for awhile and he went back to sleep.
Like everyone said, falling is part and parcel of growing up. As adults, we experience various falls through our failures in our studies, work and relationships. From the experience, we learn (or never learn), we share (or hide), we overcome (or fall deeper). With God, we can overcome all things. All things are possible!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Jordan’s Development – 15+1/2 months
Jordan is now 15 and a half (+) months. We are marveled by some of his latest developments and actions.
Twinkle, twinkle Little Star
He can say the word, “star” in the song, and he can even do the ‘twinkling’ action with both hands. Sometimes, he seems to be singing along with us, and he says the word “star” clearly and loudly. He has a musical mobile that plays this song 3 times whenever the button is pressed. Jordan knows how to press the button to play the song. He started listening to this song in his first month. Whenever he cried, we would play the song, and he would stop crying and listen.
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
Sometimes he would clap his hands even before we sing the word, “clap”. He can stamp his feet too. He understands the word, “clap”. He has a VCD with this song. I’ll do the actions whenever the song is played. He has probably learned from there.
Ten Little Indians
He can still say “ten” whenever you count from one to nine. He surprised me by saying it when I sang the song, Ten Little Indians to him. He doesn’t say it all the time, though.
Singing and Dancing
He attempts to sing the songs with us and also dance to the music. He would clap his hands too as he dances.
Kiss
Oh, I’m so jealous. He kissed his Daddy twice on the cheek last weekend – first time on Saturday night at The Ship, and second time in the church. The first kiss was rather funny. He gave his Daddy a little smack on his face before kissing his cheeks. Jordan is so cheeky. Jordan’s Khai Ma said that he gave her a kiss too. It was after dinner on Sunday night. Oh, I’m so so jealous.
Hide and Seek
For the past 2 nights, Seng Chor and I played hide and seek with him in the bedroom. Both of us would hide somewhere in the corner, and he would come looking for us. Whenever he found us, he would laugh. He remembered where we were and he would go to the same place the next time. We tried to hide different corners each time, behind furniture. If he didn’t see us, he would go to the toilet and knock at the door.
Stacking Mega Blocks
Last night, he started stacking his Mega Blocks. Before that, he just bites them and throws them around the house. He still does that. He likes to hold one block in his mouth and walk around the house with it. Last night, he managed to stack quite high, and then destroys them again. He is pretty destructive at times.
Jordan is going to do more and more amazing things these days.
I love him so dearly…still waiting for my first kiss from him.
Twinkle, twinkle Little Star
He can say the word, “star” in the song, and he can even do the ‘twinkling’ action with both hands. Sometimes, he seems to be singing along with us, and he says the word “star” clearly and loudly. He has a musical mobile that plays this song 3 times whenever the button is pressed. Jordan knows how to press the button to play the song. He started listening to this song in his first month. Whenever he cried, we would play the song, and he would stop crying and listen.
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
Sometimes he would clap his hands even before we sing the word, “clap”. He can stamp his feet too. He understands the word, “clap”. He has a VCD with this song. I’ll do the actions whenever the song is played. He has probably learned from there.
Ten Little Indians
He can still say “ten” whenever you count from one to nine. He surprised me by saying it when I sang the song, Ten Little Indians to him. He doesn’t say it all the time, though.
Singing and Dancing
He attempts to sing the songs with us and also dance to the music. He would clap his hands too as he dances.
Kiss
Oh, I’m so jealous. He kissed his Daddy twice on the cheek last weekend – first time on Saturday night at The Ship, and second time in the church. The first kiss was rather funny. He gave his Daddy a little smack on his face before kissing his cheeks. Jordan is so cheeky. Jordan’s Khai Ma said that he gave her a kiss too. It was after dinner on Sunday night. Oh, I’m so so jealous.
Hide and Seek
For the past 2 nights, Seng Chor and I played hide and seek with him in the bedroom. Both of us would hide somewhere in the corner, and he would come looking for us. Whenever he found us, he would laugh. He remembered where we were and he would go to the same place the next time. We tried to hide different corners each time, behind furniture. If he didn’t see us, he would go to the toilet and knock at the door.
Stacking Mega Blocks
Last night, he started stacking his Mega Blocks. Before that, he just bites them and throws them around the house. He still does that. He likes to hold one block in his mouth and walk around the house with it. Last night, he managed to stack quite high, and then destroys them again. He is pretty destructive at times.
Jordan is going to do more and more amazing things these days.
I love him so dearly…still waiting for my first kiss from him.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Photos from Alex's Birthday
The Birthday cake - Blueberry.
The birthday boy.
Blowing candles.
Cutting the cake.
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