It's lights out 'til morning

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR PARENTS TO IMPOSE A BEDTIME FOR CHILDREN AND ENFORCE IT

by Rachel Goodchild

BEFORE we become parents, we just know that those sleepless nights other parents have would not happen to us. Oh no, our children would know who is boss right from the word go.

When they are put to bed, they would go to sleep and around a decent time in the morning, they would wake up and say: "Thank you for putting me to bed. I am so well rested now. May I have some breakfast?"

And then, of course, the dream is shattered by actually having children.

If you're struggling to win the war on bedtimes, there are some solutions at hand. However, it is going to take a concerted effort to fix it.

If you are a two-parent family, or live in an extended family situation, your biggest problem often isn't the children, but the other adults in the house undermining your rules and authority.

The very first thing you need to do is work out with all the adults what the rules are. If everyone is providing an united front, then half the battle is already won.

Bedtimes battles are generally far more about control than anything else. If a child sees you and the other adults are not agreeing, they'll use that to dodge the bedtime bullet.

Once you have the adults on your side, you can create an environment that's going to get your children sleeping like, well, babies.

All through this process, it is very important to remember that you're the grown-up here. Stay calm and loving, keep positive and follow through with the new rules.

* Sticking to bedtime

Things happen from time to time that can throw this out the window but children thrive on routine. With younger children, especially, you have to make the rule and stick to it.

You can give your child the power to choose his/her own bedtime, making the second option only 15 minutes or so later than the first.

If you have older children, you may decide to let them stay up longer on weekends as a treat.

Teenagers would not like having lights out early, but you can tell them they are expected to be in their own rooms by a certain time.

* Make it consistent

Develop a bedtime routine that leads up to going to bed every night and stick to it. It helps everyone to wind down and get ready and gives you a routine that becomes familiar with time.

* Time's up

Give them a warning around an hour or so before bedtime, so they have plenty of time to start winding down. If they have chores to do before bed or homework, they may need a bit more notice. This isn't about creating tension but about making things easier for everyone.

* Staying in bed

Sometimes your children are just not going to be tired. It can be referred to as adult time, but even so, children need to remain in bed during this period.

Older children may want to read, younger children may want to play. Everything is okay, as long as they are in bed, playing or reading quietly. It's their wind-down time.

* Set down the rules

If they are coming out for drinks, give them a bottle water to take into their bedroom. If they are popping to the toilet, then say it is permissible only if they do not talk to anybody.

Keep all post bedtime interactions to a bare minimum when they are up.

* Plan your evening

If you set it up, this could be the beginning of some lovely quiet time for you too. Take back your evenings, and enjoy both the benefits of a well-rested child, and a well-rested you.

the art of parenting

theSun

Tuesday March 24 2009

Stay-at-home Dad

MEN, WHO ARE OPTING TO BE THE HOUSE HUSBAND TO SPEND TIME WITH THEIR CHILDREN, ARE LOVING IT BUT THEY NEED TO KNOW HOW TO BE EFFECTIVE IN THIS ROLE

By Rachel Goodchild

IT used to be a rarity, only happening when the dad was, for some reason, unable to work and the mother was able to find something to keep the family going.

However, roles are changing and more and more men are finding themselves not only at home with their children, but quietly pleased they got to be there.

Today, more men are opting to be the stay-at-home parent. But although they do a wonderful job of it, they lack the maternal instinct and patience that many mothers seem to be born with.

As a result, it can be very helpful to a stay-at-home dad or one seeking to be one in the future to have some tips and tricks for keeping himself sane and the children happy.

Don’t try to be mum. Mothers and fathers are very different in their nurturing styles and care-giving and one should never try to be the other. Simply put, be dad and be yourself. The children love you for who you are.

Like a boy scout, you need to be prepared. Children get hungry, cranky and bored very easily. Carrying all the needed essentials on trips will help make daily life a little easier for all to cope with.

Meet with other parents who stay at home. You may be surprised to find that many communities offer play groups for parents where you can get some adult time and the children can meet and play with other children.

Just like mothers needing time for themselves when they are sole care-givers, the same holds true for dads. Find time to go to the gym, out with the boys or just generally time for yourself. A dad with a lower stress level can care for the children better.

Routine is key. You will very quickly learn why the mother is always nagging about getting children home in time for bed and naps. Children are rather inflexible in their schedules and will show it to you quite loudly and quickly when over-tired or hungry.

Live in the moment. Get down and dirty with the children. Children look at the world through eyes of innocence and often by the time we reach adulthood, we forget how truly amazing the world can be.

By getting down to the child’s level, not only are they happier in their interactions with us, but we also get to relive a littler of our innocence.

When first undertaking the role of being a stay-at-home dad, lower your expectations. No one expects you to jump into the role and be able to balance all the housework and the children right away.

Let the dishes sit dirty till after the children are in bed or make do with whatever you have till you have adjusted to the stress that comes with taking care of children.

Be prepared for the stereotypes. Although the number of stay-at-home dads is on the rise, it is important to be aware of the judgement you may face from those around you.

Though times are changing, many still find it odd and refer to stay-at-home dads as Mr Mum or other such names. Fathers are fathers, and they can care for their children just as well as mothers.


(If you have parenting tips to share with Rachel Goodchild, write to her at www.drumedia.co.nz)

The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Page 20

Coping with Childhood Fears

PARENTS SHOULD KNOW HOW TO TURN STRESSFUL SITUATIONS INTO HELPING THEIR CHILDREN DEVELOP A SENSE OF BALANCE AND WELLBEING

By Rachel Goodchild

FEAR is a normal part of childhood. It comes with children learning about the world around them and discovering themselves.

As parents, we often seek to soothe our children of whatever troubles them and we approach fear in the same way. It causes discomfort in our children, thus we seek to remove it from their world.

But this is something we should not be doing!

Fear is an essential part of life. It teaches us how to deal with stressful situations and how to overcome them. Ultimately, it can develop a sense of balance and wellbeing in our children.

How can we best help our children to cope with their fears? The first step is to know the things we shouldn’t do.

We should not focus too much on it. Children learn in simple ways. We often allow our own anxieties and stress about certain things to interfere with getting the message through to our children. This is wrong.

The more attention that is given to a child’s fear, the more he may turn to it as a way of getting attention from his parents. In fact, the younger the child, the less time we should dwell on the fear.

It is also important to understand the fear itself. Children have wild and vivid imaginations and many of their fears, especially during the pre-school and early school years, are imaginary, such as monsters, ghosts and boogymen.

Reassuring our children is essential. No matter how little or insubstantial the fear may seem to us, we need to assure our children of their safety.

For a child who is afraid of the dark, he may not realize that his room is the same whether in the light or in the dark. Explanations about shadows and light could help him overcome his fear.

Do not enforce the fear by suggesting that the boogyman would get him if he gets out of bed when he should be sleeping as this would confuse him. It would also shake his trust in us.

Showing them that they are not alone in their fears can also help. If the child is old enough, talk to them about the fears we had as a child and how we overcame them. Let him know that we were afraid of and what we did or what our parents did to help us overcome it.

Childhood fears are a normal part of growing up. If we do not help our children to cope with it or learn how to deal with it themselves, it could become a bigger issue in the future.

Many of the fear we had as children grow into bigger issues in adulthood without us even realizing it.

By being well-prepared and open with our children about their fears and the coping mechanisms can help to ensure they are not plagued by fears that may grow into full-blown horrors.


The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Page 20

Tuned to Learning

EARLY MUSIC EDUCATION CAN AID IN DEVELOPING DISCIPLINE AND FOCUS AMONG CHILDREN

By Anna Tham

WHEN is comes to music education, there are parents who are divided about its benefits to their children’s development. Should it be given priority equal to that of academic subjects like history, mathematics and science for example?

Many studies have been done over the years and the general conclusion is that music is good for children. However, research and tests are still on-going to determine the specifics of its benefits.

A study done in 1993 by scientists at the University of California at Irvine, found that listening to classical music before a test could improve one’s memory.

However, this study, known as the ‘Mozart Effect’, has been conducted by other researchers could not provide the same findings. While there is no evidence that music enhances memory, it does not mean that music education is not important.

According to Kindermusik, a popular children’s music programme, learning music “encourages self-discipline and diligence traits that carry over into mathematics, science, foreign languages, civics and government, economics, arts, history and geography”.

Findings from a study conducted at Sam Houston State University in Texas reports that early music training can improve intelligence.

It’s said that “strong correlations were found between musical abilities in young children – particularly the ability to match vocal pitches and reproduce rhythmic patterns – and abstract reasoning abilities”.

Apart from intellectual benefits, I personally think that music education helps children develop discipline, focus, self-esteem and confidence.

My daughter is currently enrolled in a junior music course. Like most children, she has problems concentrating. However, she knows that in order to receive praise and applause, she has to focus and practice consistently, and does try to do that sometimes.

At the end of each semester, there is a mini concert where each child sings and plays individually for the audience. They also perform an ensemble. This develops confidence and team spirit. Even the most reserved and shy child can be seen performing without any problem.

Music also helps the child develop his fine and gross motor skills and rhythm sense when he participates in music and movement activities, for example jumping and skipping to music and using his fingers in action songs.

Research ahs found that the human brain has specialized parts to process music. As such, exposure to music developed cognitive skills, visuo-spatial capabilities, and perception, thus improving intelligence.

According to a youth arts project by the US Department of Justice National Endowment for the Arts, arts education has a measurable impact on youth in deterring delinquent behaviour and truancy problems.

It also increases overall academic performance among those youth engaged in after school and summer arts programmes targeted towards delinquency prevention.

If you do not wish to spend too much for music education initially, you could simply start at home by more consciously engaging your child in singing and moving to music, and listening to various types of music from ethnic and classical to jazz and rock.

Bouncing your baby on your lap in a rhythmic way while singing is already exposing him to music. Make musical instruments such as drums and shakers in craft projects, clap and dance to different rhythms. Find free and useful resources from the Internet to help you get started.


Bringing up children
theSun
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Page 20

Exercising with Your Kids

SHARING PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES WITH YOUR CHILDREN IS NOT ONLY HEALTHY BUT ALSO OFFERS A CHANCE TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER AS A FAMILY

By Rachel Goodchild

EXERCISING can be a daunting task but it becomes all the more difficult when you add children to the mix. By the time your day is done, rarely do you have the energy or a moment to yourself to fit in exercising. But wait, there is a solution. What about exercising with your kids? What if, as you are getting in shape and exercising, your kids are content and enjoying themselves and the older ones are even burning some of that extra energy they seem to have so much of?

Exercising with kids can be a fun family-involved time. There are great deals of easy exercises your children can join in with. So let’s get started.

One of the easiest exercises is simply walking. Children love going for nature walks and it gets you out and about in the fresh air. It provides a cardio workout as well. Try having a race with the kids, let them out run and you speed walk for a block. Take the next block off and then begin again the one after. Your kids will be enjoying themselves and getting exercise without even knowing it, and it is a great outing for an afternoon. If you have younger children who are not yet walking, you will receive an even better workout by pushing their stroller or pram.

Another family friendly exercise is bike riding. Going for a bike ride works a whole bunch of different muscles and again can give you a great bonding experience with your children. Take them for a bike ride to a park a little further away from home, to give them a change of scenario and a few more minutes of exercise. Little ones love to be in bike trailers and the extra weight of the trailer and tot can prove quite the workout for mom or dad.

Or if you have a child who loves water, hit the local pool. Children love to play and splash and swimming provides a family fun environment for children and adults alike. You can have fun in the sun, while working on those extra calories.

There are other alternatives, of course. Try some good old fashioned childhood fun. Lot’s of the games we play outdoors with our children provide a lot of calorie burning moments, without us even realizing it. What is an easier exercise than one you don’t realize you are doing! A good old fashioned game of tag can provide an afternoon of cardio, jumping on a trampoline with your children can give you both quite the workout. Or even simple games like jumping jacks can get your heart pumping and the excess pounds melting away.

Of course, if you have a younger child you can easily keep them entertained while you workout. Try using them as your weight. Lie on your back with the child on your legs and slowly extend and give them an airplane ride. You will have a giggling little baby and burning legs and abs in no time flat. Our infants and toddlers love to cuddle and be picked up. Simply playing a game of squatting down, lifting them into the air and squatting back down again is the same as squats but baby gets to join in on the fun.

Having children alone can burn a great deal of calories. It is often the parent of a toddler who is commented about, wondering where they have the energy to keep up. By exercising with your children, not only will you be providing them the building blocks of a healthy lifestyle, you will also be giving them some great bonding time. What is easier than exercise you don’t realize you are doing because you are having too much fun being active with the ones you love.


[You can get in touch with the writer at www.rachelgoodchild.com]

The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
(Page 22)

Bringing Up Baby

LEARNING TO HANDLE THE DIFFERENT PHASES OF YOUR CHILD’S GROWTH IS ALL PART OF BEING A PARENT

By Rachel Goodchild

BRINGING your new baby home can be one of life’s most thrilling experiences. But wouldn’t it be great if they came with an instruction manual?

Since they don’t, it might be a good idea to read up on various forms of children’s behaviour and how to get off to a good start. In years past, parents turned to books by such well-known authors as Dr Spock, but parents today are lucky to have the vast amount of information available on the Internet.

Of course, each child is different, and it will take a lot of trial and error to find what works best for your child. The most important thing is to curtail resistant behaviour before it gets out of hand.

A newborn human child is the most helpless of all mammals. Unlike a pony, it can’t jump up and walk at birth; it needs about a year to do that. So, it is totally dependent on its parents for survival, since it has no way to obtain nourishment.

At first, the major problem with having a new baby in the house is that it makes it difficult for anyone to get a good night’s sleep.

Whether mum nurses, or gives the baby a bottle, it will be weeks or even months before baby will sleep through the night.

Your pediatrician is the best source for advice on handling feeding problems.

Resistant behaviour is going to become a problem as babies learn to sit, crawl, walk and talk. It’s not surprising that a baby’s favourite first word is “No”.

What parents need to do is inform children what is going to happen and not give them a choice. Don’t ask the child if he is sleepy; simply tell him cheerfully that it’s bed time, pick him up and out him to bed.

It’s important to establish a routine, such as brushing teeth, a bedtime story and other, comforting rituals. Then, it’s lights out, and the toddler remains in bed.

If he tries to climb out and come in the parent’s room, he must gently, but firmly, be guided back to his room. Once parents let a child climb into their bed in the middle of the night, it’s a hard behaviour to stop.

Potty training is also an issue which can cause a lot of resistance. Again, you might want to look to the Internet for suggestions. The most frequent mistake parents make is to try to potty-train before the child is ready.

New parents may be surprised that to learn that 25% of children are still not trained by age three or even four. Parents should look for signs of readiness such as staying dry for two hours at a time and being uncomfortable in dirty diapers.

Sometimes it’s okay to let the child make choice. For example, if your daughter wants to wear an orange, striped blouse with purple-flowered pants, it really does no harm to let her do that unless she’s going somewhere special.

It would also be a good teaching moment to show your child what colours go together.

Children are people, too, and they need a chance to express their feelings, but they should never be allowed to feel they are the boss.

Punishment often doesn’t work, because it doesn’t stop the resistance behaviour. One mother, when he daughter threw herself on the grocery floor store and started kicking and screaming, promptly fell down, too, and emulated the girl’s behaviour. The girl jumped up, embarrassed, and that was the end of the tantrum.

Toddlers want to now who’s in charge and you must lovingly show them that it’s you.

[You can get in touch with the writer at www.rachelgoodchild.com]

The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
(Page 20)

Life-long Learning

PARENTS OWE IT TO THEIR CHILDREN TO TEACH THEM THE VALUE OF EDUCATION AND PREPARE THEM TO BE RESPONSIBLE STUDENTS

By Rachel Goodchild

BY the time children reach school age, they are usually either pretty well behaved most of the time, or they’re brats (read demons) who think they rule the world and won’t pay attention to adults, such as teachers, who are trying to help them.

Are parents to blame for this? Not completely, but how children are treated at home has a profound effect on how they are able to cope with school and the outside world, too.

Nobody wants to live in chaos, and children, in particular, want rules and guidelines, although most of them would deny this.

Much of the time these days, both parents must work in order to make ends meet. Also, there are too many children growing up in single-parent homes, either because of divorce, or because their mother was never married.

This makes it difficult to have enough time to nurture children and teach them ways to be successful.

Though parents are not saints, somehow they must find it in themselves to ensure that their children are their number one priority and quality time must be found to spend with them.

Children need to feel loved and supported. They need to know they can communicate any problems they have with their parents.

They should also learn from an early age that school is important, and good attendance is the key. Parents should not allow their children to stay home from school unless they are running a fever or really seem ill.

Poor attendance is a major reason children don’t do well in school. If the child is allowed to stay home, there should be no fun activities allowed. If they are too sick to go to school, they are too sick to fool around and should be in bed.

Rules must be set and enforced. Homework comes first – before video games or television. Parents should check their child’s homework, and help them with it if necessary.

If the child gets a poor progress report early in the school year, parents should make an appointment with the child’s teacher to see what the problem is.

Parents need to emphasise to the child from an early age how important education is. The ability to read and write will be important all their lives.

Just as when children were toddlers, the family needs to have clear rules and consequences.

Children need at least eight hours of sleep at night, or they won’t be able to concentrate the next day. Turn off television at least half an hour before bed, and read with your child, or discuss how the day went.

Also, set a good example by going to bed at a reasonable time yourself.

Children are usually not reluctant to go to school if they feel they are being successful. It’s also great if you can get children involved in after-school programmes such as sport or other extracurricular activities.

Teamwork is a wonderful feeling and studies have shown that children who engage in extracurricular activities are better students.

Children must also be taught morals and values such as sharing and being kind to others. Whether through a formal church programme, or from modeling at home, values such as kindness, respect, and problem solving in a peaceful manner are important in avoiding resistant behaviour.

Nobody really wants to be the class clown, the bully, or the quiet child who can’t seem to make friends. It’s the parent’s job along with the teacher and school counselor to find out what’s going on. Problems that start in elementary school will only escalate if not monitored carefully.

In this busy, hectic world, it’s hard to find time to give our children all the attention they deserve, but we owe it to them, and to society, to raise responsible children who will one day be in charge.

Families, big and small, need to have rules, limits, and the desire to help one another, their friends and their community.


The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Science of Kitchen

MOTHERS CAN DOUBLE AS ‘HOME SCIENTISTS’ AND TEACH THEIR CHILDREN A THING OR TWO ABOUT EVERYDAY MAGIC

By Rachel Goodchild

CHILDREN enjoy learning new things, and the kitchen can be just as instructive as the classroom. Turning your kitchen into a makeshift laboratory doesn’t have to involve test tubes and white coats.

Using everyday pantry items and with you playing the part of Laboratory Assistant, handling the hot and trickier parts, you can create fun, educational, spectacular experiments, which will wow your children and lay the foundation for an interest in science and problem solving. Here are a few you can try at home:

The Milk Trick
(milk, food colouring, washing up liquid)
Pour some full fat milk into the base of a dinner plate so that it covers the bottom. Using a couple of colours, drop a little food colouring into the milk around the edge. The kids can dot it around, making little patterns in the milk. Make sure the milk stays in drops, no mixing. Now give them teaspoon with a little washing up liquid on it and get them to dribble it into the milk at the edge of the plate, near a spot of food colouring. Watch the patterns swirl!

Kitchen Bubbles
(washing up liquid, cornflour, bendy wire or an old coat hanger)
Measure and mix together 6 cups of water, 2 cups of washing up liquid and ¾ cup of corn syrup in a large bowl. Let it sit for around 4 hours and then put it into a shallow dish. Bend the wire into any closed shapes to use as bubble wands (leaving a little handle for little hands to hold). At this stage it is advisable to move outside! Now get the kids dips their wands in the mixture and wave them through the air to make magical bubbles.

Melting Moments
(balloons, a large container)
Fill balloons with water to different sizes, adding a little food colouring if you have some, and freeze them overnight. Peel the balloons off the ice shapes and let your child play with them in a large container as they melt. You can experiment with ideas such as whether your child will think they will float and what makes them melt faster. When you are done, have a cosy hot chocolate together to warm those little fingers and talk about your experiment…

Claydough
(4 cups flour, 1 ½ cup salt, 1 cup water and some food colouring)
Mix the flour and the salt together in a large bowl and add ½ cup of water and stir it together for a couple of minutes before adding the remaining water gradually while you continue to mix. Make the dough into a big ball and knead it for 5 minutes, adding food colouring if you desire. And now the fun begins! Let the children mould and shape the clay with their hands or with cookie cutters. Put the finished creations on a foil covered baking tray and bake at 120 degrees Celsius for approximately 5 minutes (for 3 cm sized pieces). Once the masterpieces have cooled down, let the children paint them with acrylics to make them really come alive!

That sucks!
(a hard-boiled, peeled egg, a bottle with a neck slightly smaller than the diameter of the egg, boiling water, oil)
This experiment will have your little charges believing that you a magician. Place the bottle on a tray for safety, and pour some freshly boiled water into it. Very quickly place the boiled egg over the top of the bottle and stand back! The egg should get magically sucked into the bottle, demonstrating how cooling air shrinks and catapulting you into Wizard status.

Now grab a book and a cup of tea and leave the children to work out how to get the egg back out without breaking the bottle.


The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Snapping kids out of sleepwalking

CHILDREN WHO WANDER AROUND THE HOUSE IN THEIR STATE OF SLUMBER NEED TO BE REASSURESD AND MONITORED BY PARENTS

By Rachel Goodchild

WHEN you child sleepwalks for the first time, you might be scared and wonder what to do. But, many children sleep walk, and they also grow out of it. Your child may not walk around the room or house, but they might perform certain actions from their bed. All this happens while they are asleep, and you will find they have no recollection of what they did. If you talk to them, you will more than likely find they do not talk back to you.

Whatever happens you need to make sure your child is safe at all times. You might need to walk in front of them, moving anything that could cause them to have an accident. You should ensure all doors and windows are tightly shut, and if possible locked because you don't want them opening them and either falling from an upstairs window or walking out into the neighbourhood.

When your child sleepwalks you should try and move them back to the direction of their bed. Try and avoid shouting or talking to them, or making any movements that might wake them up.

Keeping your child safe is your highest priority, and getting them back to bed is your second priority.

In the morning, you might mention to your child that they were sleepwalking, talk to them about what it means, but don't make them feel like there is something wrong with them mentally or emotionally.

As a parent you might feel helpless as you are not able to do very much, but your role is very important.

You are the one who keeps your child safe during this time. It might be a table need to be moved, then you should move it, it might be something you child wants to drink but they shouldn't because it is poisonous.

If you child sleep walks on a regular basis, you should talk to your family doctor. They might suggest you keep a diary of events; because many sleepwalkers have a pattern and it can be seen at what time during their sleep they might start to sleep walk.

If this is the case, then you might consider waking your child up before they reach that point in their sleep.

Talking will reassure your child that there is nothing wrong with them, and that many children also sleep walk. They might wake up during this time, and be scared as to what they are doing, again you need to reassure them about what they are doing and learn how to help them through this stage of their development.


The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Checking temper tantrum

CALMING CHILDREN DURING A FIT OF SCREAMING REQUIRES PARENTS TO REMAIN CALM AND IN CONTROL

By Rachel Goodchild

IT is believed that more than 50% of children will have a temper tantrum and many of them will have them weekly. It can be hard on any parent having to deal with a temper tantrum, but you need to look at ways you can defuse the situation before it happens.

If your child often has tantrums then you -need to recognise the signs, and deal with them before it gets to a stage that you can't do anything.

Again, you need to make sure you are not sending out mixed signals to the child. Many parents reward their child for calming down, and this will soon be something the child reacts to. They will have a tantrum knowing they will also be rewarded. If you have other children, they will consider it unfair that one child has a tantrum and gets a reward, while they behave and get no rewards.

You always need to evaluate why your child has had a tantrum, and if there is anything you can do to change the circumstances.

Maybe you asked if they would like to eat, whereas you really meant it is time for dinner. They have answered the question in their own mind, (No, I want to watch television or play with my toys), but then they are called to the table and suddenly pandemonium breaks out. Why?

Because the boundaries were set in the child’s mind that they were asked one thing, but in the parent's mind, they are thinking about something else. Do you see the difference?

Don't ask a child a question, when you already have the answer and expect that to be obeyed.

However much you want to shout at the child during the time of the tantrum, you must always remain calm and in control. Yes, it is easier said than done, but the child will be looking at your reaction.

It is easier to control a tantrum before it starts or before it gets out of control. Get down to their level and talk to them. Don't shout; don't bribe them, just talk to them. Keep talking until they tell you what they are feeling. It's important to know how they are feeling if you are going to make those feelings better.

There will be times you need to hold your child, especially if they are in danger of hurting themselves. Keep talking; it doesn't matter if they don't respond immediately. Keep the lines of communication open at all times, reassure them that you love them regardless of what they are doing. There is a difference between loving your child and disliking the way they behave.

There will be times that you have to give your child a time out. It is best for you to have a place for them to go, and they know about it before a tantrum happens: Explain that this is a place of safety, but one they have to stay in until they become calm again.

After the tantrum is over, talk to your child, ask them what they were feeling during that time, and how they now feel. Learn from what they say, and see if there is anything that you can do to help them.


The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Animals' our friend

LETTING YOUR CHILD KEEP A PET CAN BE A PAIN BUT MANY TIMES THE PROS OUTWEIGH THE CONS

By Anna Tham

MOST children love animals. From the time they start recognising things, we tend to point out to them animals we often see like the lizard on the wall, a stray cat or dog on the road, chickens, birds, and fish.

As parents, we feel good that our children take an interest in nature and are curious about the animal world. On the other hand, when they start asking to keep a pet, that's when our nightmare begins!

I've done time (and still 'am ) in 'assisting' my little pet owner in caring for her pets, simply because she is still too young to carry out some of the responsibilities involved in pet rearing.

So far, we have had fish and terrapins and they have been manageable.

My little pet owner normally starts with great interest in ensuring they are fed, sometimes too well-fed in fact! .

As for keeping them clean, she would alert us that the tank needs a change of water and happily assists in removing its inhabitants to a temporary container.

A few months down the road, she starts to forget to feed them, and neglect sets in while she moves on to other interests.

Lately, she has developed a keen interest in dogs and -has been hounding us to get one. Now, a dog takes pet-keeping to a whole new level as it is more demanding of care and attention.

As we currently live in a condominium, we have managed to help her understand that a dog is not possible for now. We have also pointed out repeatedly the responsibility one must take when committing to a pet

It was an opportunity for us to teach her the meaning of responsibility, commitment and caring for others, be it animals or people.

According to ParentGuide.com, parental involvement, open discussion, and planning are usually necessary to help make pet ownership a positive experience for everyone.

It says that "a child who learns to care for an animal and treat it kindly and patiently, gets invaluable training in learning to treat people the same way. Careless treatment of animals is unhealthy for both the pet and the child involved".

The choice of a pet is also important. We need to make sure that the animal is suitable for the family, home and lifestyle. If you have young children or babies especially, be sure that the pet is child-friendly, not aggressive, and easy to manage in terms of hygiene.

For example, if your child, like mine, has allergies, you would then need to ensure that the pet you get would not affect her condition.

And if you are pregnant, be careful if you keep cats. Handle their litter with care as cats' faeces could carry a parasite that causes toxoplasmosis. This infection is not serious for you but could be dangerous for your developing baby.

Keeping pets is a healthy and educational activity and a great experience for both children and parents.

Children's social skills can be developed as they gain self-esteem and self-¬confidence, and develop compassion, trust and empathy. Their hands-on experience with nature will teach them responsibilities towards other creatures.

At the same time, they will learn about life cycles, reproduction, and animal health.

And when a pet they love is lost or dies, it is an experience and lesson about loss, death and bereavement.


Bringing up children
theSun
Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A matter of timing

Parents need to help children to develop a concept and appreciation for time early in life

By Rachel Goodchild

A CHILD isn’t born understanding the concept of time; it is something they need to be taught. One of the problems a child has when it comes to learning about time is the different messages they are given. Many times parents tell a child to do something, while they do the complete opposite.

It is relatively easy to say to a child that when the big hand reaches a number and the small one reaches another number they have to be ready because they will be going out. It is harder for the child to understand how long it is between the present time and the future time.

Also don’t expect them to be ready, and then have to wait for the parent who is always late. It will not help them to understand the importance of time, and being on time. They will think: “Is there a good reason why I should be on time, when my parents are not?”

You need to ensure that you practice what you preach to your children. If you tell them to be ready by a certain time, then you also need to be ready by the same time.

If you take 15 minutes as an example, it is hard to explain how long that is to a child. Getting them to sit down or be quiet for 15 minutes may seem to them like a lifetime. Sit down yourself and see if you can be quiet for 15 minutes and how long that feels like. You might be surprised at the difference between what you think is 15 minutes and what is really 15 minutes.

Staying with the idea of 15 minutes, find a task they can do which will take exactly 15 minutes. As they do this task, they will learn how long this period really is. They will also learn how much they can do in those 15 minutes. Reading to a child for a quarter of an hour is another way for them to start to understand time.

But, the important part of this training will be showing the child how important time really is.

In the adult world everything we do is time oriented. We have a time to be at work, and a time to leave work. We have a time to cook a meal, a time when our favourite programme is on television, and even a time for our social calendar.

Can you imagine what it is like a child who hasn’t learnt about time, to be told dinner will be ready in 5 minutes? Well, you know how long 5 minutes is, but do they understand that they only have a few minutes left to play with their toys, and then be at the dinner table? Possibly not, and then the parents gets angry because the child isn’t sitting at the table when the meal is ready.

A child is told what to do, but they need to learn about time, and not just how to tell the time. They need to learn how important time is for everything they do. This is something a parent has to understand well, before they start to teach their children the concept of time.


The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Spanking – Why, When and How?

Introduction

The subject matter focuses on the biblical topic of spanking. However, it is important to remember that spanking is only one important aspect of child training.

The Bible instructs parents to "train up a child in the way he should go,”' and spanking needs to be seen in the proper context of that training. The correct training of children involves four vital areas: love, discipline, teaching and example. As these areas work together, the training of children comes into proper balance.

WHY IS SPANKING NECESSARY

Parents want their children to obey them to do something, yet many parents fail to get obedience. Some are so discouraged and frustrated they don’t believe obedience from their children is even possible.

What is wrong? Why don’t many parents get the results they so desire to see? Why do many parents often succumb to anger, frustration, despair or cruelty in their attempts to train their children?

The family is God’s idea. He brought it into being. In His Word He has given clear instructions as to how He intends it to function.

There are several hindrances which keep parents from receiving God’s wisdom and instruction in the area of discipline.

HINDRANCES TO DISCIPLINE

1) Humanistic Thinking
Often this philosophy carries the idea that parental authority and discipline are wrong, that they hinder true freedom. The concept that children are basically good and if left to themselves will grow up to be happy, fulfilled people is another plank in the' philosophy of humanism. Because this world's way of thinking has such a strong influence, even among Christians, many parents become skeptical of discipline and feel they will hinder their children's development and future happiness if they spank them.

The Bible tells us, however, that "folly [foolishness] is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him" (Proverbs 22: 15).

2) False Love
Another hindrance to discipline comes from a misunderstanding of the meaning of love. Some parents will say, "I love my children too much to spank them." On the surface this may sound good, but if falls far short of the kind of love God wants parents to show to their children.

God is love; His love desires the best and highest for every individual. Since real love chooses the best, it must bring correction to anything within an individual's life that will keep that one from the best. Without true discipline there is no true love, and without true love there is no true discipline. "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24).

3) Child Abuse
Another hindrance that keeps some parents from spanking their children is the issue of child abuse. This is an area that has rightly been a source of grief for concerned people everywhere Child abuse can surface in various ways - sexual, verbal, physical and even emotional abuse.

No matter what form it takes - whether it be neglect and rejection, or assault and brutality - child abuse should be despised by every parent.

However in rejecting even the thought of child abuse, parents must be careful not to reject God's way of providing loving correction through spanking. This is not to be confused with child abuse. Parents must guard against the fear that loving discipline is a form of child abuse.

A spanking is not a time for parents to release personal frustration, tension or wrath. "For the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God" (James 1:20).

Though a spanking is not intended to be an enjoyable experience to a child or to the parent, if properly given it reaps positive and long-lasting benefits.

4) Laziness
Another hindrance to parents spanking their children is personal laziness. Spanking takes a full commitment of the will of both parents to make it an effective part of the training of children.


WHEN TO GIVE A SPANKING

FIVE OCCASIONS NOT TO DISCIPLINE

1) Childishness
A spanking should never be used to force something upon children they are not prepared to handle because of age. Children should not be disciplined for being themselves, for acting their age.

2) Lack of Ability
Parents must also guard against using a spanking to try to make their children duplicate someone else's abilities.

3) Accidents
Legitimate forgetfulness and unintentional accidents are also not reasons for giving a spanking. Parents need to be careful to differentiate between faultless and blameless behaviour of their children.

4) Incomplete Information
Another time when a spanking should not be given is when parents are not sure of all the facts surrounding a particular incident. Do not "rush to judgment" if all the issues are not clear. A parent should not rely only on "hear-say" information, but should be certain of what really took place.

5) Out of Anger
A spanking should not be given when a parent is responding to his child in anger. It is not for the purpose of releasing parental frustration, and should not be based on a parent's emotions. Child abuse is the result of this kind of discipline. Rather, spanking is providing loving correction on the basis of obedience to God's Word.

TWO AREAS TO DISCIPLINE
The specific areas that need correction within a child are the areas of disobedience and wrong attitudes

Willful disobedience and wrong attitudes are never acceptable and need to be corrected with a spanking.

1) Obedience
No place does the Bible teach that obedience or right attitudes are natural responses for any child. It is disobedience that is natural. Parents don't have to train their children to lie, to rebel, or get angry; but they do need to train them to obey, no matter what their personality may be.

In recognizing willful disobedience a parent needs to understand the difference between what a child is able to do and what a child will not do.

The Bible states that obedience must be complete. (This directive, of course, takes into account that parents will not be leading their children into areas of evil.) Children are not to obey their parents only when and if they feel like it. God wants them to respond to their parents' authority and to learn to obey them in every area.

Another important aspect of obedience is that of promptness. The classic injunction "Delayed obedience is disobedience" still holds true.

Children need to learn to obey their parents' word, even if another adult tells them something different.

Also obedience from children should he unquestioned; it should not be based upon how reasonable a command sounds to the child.

2) Attitudes
The other major area for discipline in children is the area of right attitudes. God desires not only prompt and complete obedience but joyful obedience that comes from the heart.

Children should be encouraged to come to their parents at any time and freely express themselves and ask questions, but they need to be trained to speak in a pleasant tone of voice, showing the respect and contentment that comes from a right attitude. Because right attitudes are issues of the will and not the emotions, a child can choose to be happy and content. The feelings, the emotions, are a barometer of the will. When a child chooses the proper attitude, the appropriate emotional response will follow. At mealtime, for example, a child may not like a particular food that's being served, but the child can be trained to eat it with a thankful heart.

Wrong attitudes in children often come to light during playtime with friends or siblings. Often these selfish attitudes will be expressed in arguing, grabbing, pinching or lighting. Children can learn to be kind to one another. When children protest or throw temper tantrums, this too is a manifestation of a wrong attitude. The loving correction of a spanking is needed in order to correct these attitudes.

A temper tantrum is not something a parent should ignore, or laugh at, or play along with in order to show the child how silly he looks. Children discover different methods for getting their own way. Some children will act cute, some will beg, other will throw temper tantrums. Some children will pretend they don't understand, while others will come up with the "I-forgot-to" tactic.

Children need to know that wrong attitudes are never acceptable. If these attitudes are not dealt with quickly and firmly, not only will the child become unhappy but the well being of the whole family is affected as well.

HOW TO GIVE A SPANKING

Parents need to understand the necessity God places on spanking and when a spanking should be given; but it is also important to know how to give a spanking.

EIGHT INSTRUCTIONS FOR SPANKING

1) The Right Instrument
God has instructed parents to use a stick, not a hand, when they need lovingly correct their children with a spanking. (A rod is a flexible branch or twig or stick.) The hand is a part of the parent and should be used for purposes of expressing affection and loving service.

God has instructed parents to spank with a stick because in His wisdom He knows this is the most effective way of providing the loving correction children need. The reason for this is that spanking, although an outward act, ultimately deals with the heart issue within a child. A spanking is not an enjoyable experience but rather a character-changing experience. Through the pain of spanking a child is to be brought to the place of repentance over what he or she has done wrong. A stick is the most effective instrument to spank with because its flexibility brings the greatest amount of stinging pain without the danger of physical injury. Stiff, hard objects like paddles or wooden spoons don't produce as much pain and also include the possibility of injuring a child. Belts, although flexible, are not as effective as a stick and also might cause injury.

Other forms of discipline such as putting a child in a corner, or depriving him of supper, or sending him to his room are not effective means of discipline because the issues of willful disobedience and wrong attitudes within a child's heart remain untouched. Often when children are put in corners or sent to their rooms, resentment and bitterness have opportunity to grow within their hearts. Harsh, unkind or belittling words such as "good¬-for-nothing" or "spoiled brat" are destructive to a child and must never be considered proper discipline. Even parents who would never think of spanking their children, regarding it as cruel and unjust, will speak words to them in anger, causing inner wounds that can take a life-time to heal.

2) Spanking Promptly
A spanking should be given as soon as possible after a child has done something that needs correction. A spanking shouldn't be put off by a mother "until Daddy gets home." On the other hand, a father needs to be sure to take his responsibility in providing the correction of spanking when he is home and not leave it only to his wife.

One reason why a spanking needs to be given promptly is that if delayed it would be easy for younger children to forget the reason for the discipline.

3) Find a Private Place
Spanking is a private issue between parent and child. Its purpose is correction, not embarrassment. Before a spanking is given a parent should take the child to a place where privacy can be insured.

4) Clarify the Issue
Before a spanking is given, it is important to make sure the child understands the reason for the spanking, in order to bring that child to a place of repentance for the particular issue involved.

Children need to understand that a spanking is not an attack against them personally but is correction for what they have done wrong.

5) Get Into a Good Position
Often parents are unable to give an effective spanking because their children are not in the proper physical position to receive one. A child over a parent's knee may work fine when the child is young, but it is better to have older children simply bend over a chair or a bed.

A proper position also reflects and attitude of willingness to receive correction. Children who fight a spanking by kicking or twisting or blocking the spanking with their hands need to learn to submit to correction.

6) Spanking The Proper Area
God has given parents the perfect area on which to administer a spanking - the child's bottom. It is a safe place because it is well cushioned, yet it is highly sensitive area. In order for a spanking to be effective, good contact is important. Parents, however, need to use practical wisdom regarding how much clothing to remove when spanking an older child. Remember, a spanking is not intended to embarrass or humiliate.

7) Wait For The Proper Cry
The purpose of a spanking is to bring a child's heart to a place of repentance. Repentance means having a change of mind towards the wrong that was done, having genuine sorrow over that issue. This is different from remorse, which often occurs in children when they are put in a corner or denied a privilege. This type of discipline generates a feeling of being sorry for getting caught instead of being sorry for what was done.

Swats or slaps are not spankings. They only create anger or resentment in children and will not only bring them to a place of repentance. A spanking needs to be hard enough and long enough to bring a repentant cry, a cry that says, 'I’m sorry." A parent will be able to discern in a child's cry when he or she has broken and come to repentance over an issue. A repentant cry is different from a cry of anger or protest, which usually occurs at the beginning of a spanking.

Exactly how long and how hard a spanking needs to be in order to bring a repentant cry is a matter for the parent to determine. It can vary, depending on the sensitivity of the child's will.

8) Have A Period Of Reconciliation
After correction, a parent needs to allow a child to cry for a reasonably short amount of time. Then a child should be told to stop crying and be brought under control. If parents leave the room immediately after a spanking and a child is left in tears, those tears can quickly turn into self-pity. When this happens children will usually go looking for sympathy from someone, most likely the other parent. This will not only hinder a child's repentance but create an opportunity for a child to divide the parents by working one against the other.

The period of reconciliation after a spanking provides a special time of love and intimacy to take place between a parent and a child. It gives comfort and reassurance to a child. It also helps to bring a child into self-control and freedom. The time spends with a child after a spanking assures him that the issue is dealt with and over. It is in the past and is not something that will be nagged about or held against him. This can be reinforced by the parent through loving, reassuring embraces and a brief time of prayer.

Also the time a parent spends with their children after spanking will help confirm to the parent that the child's heart has truly been brought to repentance. This can be done by instructing children to make any needed steps of restitution.


Extracted from “Spanking – Why, When, How?”
By Roy Lessin
Bethany House Publishers

Scouting for Child Care Center / Pre-school

Last week, my colleague and I visited 5 child care centers/pre-schools around Bandar Utama. Her son is born in the same year as Jordan.

For me, it was something interesting and adventurous. It was a learning experience too. I got to know about the various progammes offered and got a few advices here and there. I’m impressed with what they do.

Below is a summary of the centers that we visited and what I think of them.

1st Center
CEC R.E.A.L

Web site: http://www.real.edu.my/html/uniqueness.html

CEC (Child Enrichment Centre) R.E.A.L (Result Enhancing through Active Learning) approach. CEC is the first kindergarten and school in Malaysia to be accredited ISO9001:2000 certification for the full range of its head office operations, kindergarten operations as well as its school operations.

Their programmes:
R.E.A.L TOTS is a Childcare Programme for infants and toddlers ages 6 month to 3 years old. This programme meets all health and safety standards in accordance to Australian standards. Their structured programmes include baby games, baby massage, songs and rhymes, story time, special theme days, show and tell and computer class.

CEC R.E.A.L Kids 4 to 6 takes care of the pre-school years. Their R.E.A.L programmes are written specially for Malaysian children. It incorporates the Multiple Intelligences [MI] approach amongst other well-tested pedagogies. Children will breeze into the school years with confidence. The standard curriculum is planned for half-day duration. However a full-day enhancement programme is also available at selected centres.

What I think?
The first impression was good. The teacher sounded very enthusiastic about their programmes and it made us felt welcome and excited too. Because of her enthusiasm, I almost wanted to send Jordan there immediately. Hahaha! I was also attracted to the swimming pool they have outside the house though it was an inflatable one.


2nd Center
Sri Cita Child Care Center

Website: sricita.googlepages.com

Their programmes:
Exclusive Early Learning Programmes:
Playgroup: 2 – 3 years old
Preschool: 4 years old
Kindergarten 1 (K1): 5 years old
Kindergarten 2 (K2): 6 years old

Reinforcement/Enhancement Programmes:
School Age – 7 and above

Enrichment Programmes:
English Language Programme –
A balanced reading programme from UK which provides children with opportunities to learn from a variety of teaching approaches.

Mandarin Classes –
Integrated and fun way of learning Mandarin through stories, songs, drama and poems.

Music course –
Start your child on an exciting musical journey.

What I think?
Well…the teacher didn’t sound as enthusiastic as the one in CEC. In fact, she sounded boring. The place looks fine. No swimming pool. The programme and schedule is fine too.


3rd Center
Smart Reader Kids (Bandar Utama)

Web site: http://www.smartreader.com.my

Primarily, Smart Reader® Worldwide Sdn Bhd markets three educational concepts, all based on the franchise business system. They are Smart Reader Kids Junior®, Smart Reader Kids® and Smart Reader English Language for Adults and Youths®.

Smart Reader® Worldwide Sdn Bhd launched its first franchise in 1999. The first franchise was introduced in Selangor, Malaysia, followed by launches in both East and West Malaysia in the year 2000, and internationally into the Philippines in 2001, Thailand in 2002, Brunei and Taiwan in 2003, China in 2004 and Syria in 2005. Smart Reader® currently has about 225 franchised outlets locally, and 144 abroad.

Their programmes:
• Smart Reader English
• Smart Bacaan
• Smart Mandarin
• Smart Maths
• Science
• Water Play
• Computer Moral
• Art and Craft
• Music movement
• Kinder-cooking
Etc.

What I think?
The programme is good – well defined. The place is also fine. Overall, it is just ok – no strong feeling about it.

4th Center
Q-dees

Web site: www.q-dees.com

Their programmes:
Q-dees’ passion in early child development has led to the continuing dedication in developing unique, quality and innovative programmes to nurture young minds. At Q-dees, they adopt the En-Gedi™ approach (Environmentally-Guided Experiences Develop Intelligence™), which is a total learning system and environment that stimulates good learning attitudes in children.

Q-dees Hands-on Mind-on™ approach is another ingenious method of teaching, which allows children to learn through the process of exploration and discovery.

The Q-dees system has many more unique features, all wrapped-up in a totally Integrated and Modulated system™, which includes:-
• total development for a holistic learning experience;
• trilingual programme;
• the Q-dees Individual Child Monitoring System™ (ICMS™); and
• Q-dees’ carefully created role models to inculcate good character.

Q-dees Day Care programme:
Bath
Lunch
Nap
Tea Break
Tutorial and Enrichment
Reading and story time
Indoor games
Singing
Gardening
Computer

What I think?
Oh….I love the swimming pool. It is actually a proper swimming pool – ‘L’ shaped. Swimming lessons are provided every Thursday. The 3 year olds do mainly colouring to improve their motor skills. They were all seating down doing colouring when we visited the class. There seem to be proper order in the class. The programme seems interesting.


5th Center
The Star Children House

Web site: www.thestarchildrenhouse.com

THE STAR CHILDREN HOUSE has its humble start some 15 years ago with its first kindergarten established at Wangsa Maju, Setapak in Kuala Lumpur.

Their programmes:
Mandarin
Bahasa Malaysia
English
Arithmetic
Moral Education
Science
Music
Art and Craft
Dancing and Singing

The syllabuses that they develop embrace the Malaysia Ministry of Education's curriculum, policy and guideline so as to ensure the children are well prepared and equipped to welcome their first step into the formal education journey.

What I think?
It’s like a Chinese school – very academic. 3 year olds learn the alphabets A – Z. For each alphabet, they do colouring, tracing and craft. The programme doesn’t sound interesting. The place is big – the biggest so far. It is actually two 2 and half storey houses combined. No chairs are provided for the 3 years old, only tables in the room because the teachers feel that 3 year olds cannot sit still. Well, they can be trained to sit still. They shouldn’t be allowed to roam everywhere in the room. We also discovered something rather unique – they have different teachers every half an hour. Hmm…we don’t think it is necessary or beneficial. We wonder whether the teachers would get to know the children personally.

OVERALL IMPRESSION
The fees structure is similar for all centers. Their monthly fee ranges between RM 500 to RM 600 including day care services.

Miscellaneous fee include the following:
• Registration
• Books
• Uniform
• Insurance
• Stationery
• Photo album
• Sports and concert
(Transportation can be arranged)

School hours: 8 am to 12:30

My personal ranking of the centers:
1) Q-dees
2) CEC
3) Smart Reader Kids
4) The Star Children House
5) Sri Cita


When will I start sending Jordan?
Initially, I thought of sending Jordan to school this year. Well, after some considerations and views from friends, I decided to start next year. Seng Chor doesn’t agree to start so soon. Friends shared (from personal experience) that their children even get bored when starting school too early.

Basically, what 3 year olds do are mainly colouring, art and craft. I can do that with Jordan at home. On the socializing part, he is doing fine in that area. He socializes in church as well as at the babysitter. There are 3 other kids with the babysitter. The babysitter also teaches him. Let him have more freedom, after all, they will be at school/college until they are at least 21 years old.

I also realized another thing – children tend to fall sick more often when they are in school. Their immune system is still not very strong at this young age. Most of the schools are air-conditioned. So, the viruses spread really easily.

I find that all the programmes are good. The teachers are the ones who play a very important role in administering the programmes and the class. More importantly is that Jordan is able to adapt and learn, having fun at the same time. If he is not enjoying himself or adapting, it is no point putting him in the most expensive school or the ‘best’ school.

We shall keep praying and ask God for wisdom to put Jordan in a right school.

Hello, can I help you?

Children need to be taught good telephone etiquette when answering calls.

By Rachel Goodchild

How many times have you made a phone call, to have it answered by a child, and then wonder if he or she is listening to what you are saying?

It happens too often and people don’t want to hear the child talking away, when they are trying to reach the adult. It is important that children know how to answer the telephone and how to respond to any question that are asked.

Children love to answer the telephone, especially if they have a toy one that rings. They are used to picking up the handset and talking away about anything and nothing.

But at some stage, a parent needs to tell the child that the real telephone is different from the toy one.

They need to understand that there is a real person on the telephone and that it costs them money to make a call. It might even cost a lot of money depending on where the caller lives.

If children have a toy phone, then it will be good to use that to practice on. They can pretend to answer the phone when it rings.

The first thing they need to know is how to answer the phone. Now, you as their parents have to decide if they should ever give their name. Maybe, the caller has asked to speak to a certain member of the family, but the child is confused. There isn’t anyone called Mary in the house, only Mummy. What they don’t know is that Mary and Mummy are the same people.

They then need to take the message and pass it on. That might seem a simple formula, but it is a lot for a child to remember and get right.

The child might want to talk to the person. So, he/she must be taught that there will be times when the person on the phone won’t want to chatter with him/her.

But you must also remember that not everybody will be someone who you can trust to talk to your children.

What happens if your child answers the telephone and then says that Mummy and Daddy are not in? That they are being watched by the babysitter, and then go on to chatter away, unknowingly giving away lots of personal information?

This is all part of teaching a child how to use the telephone, and how some questions are best not answered. Not that the child is going to lie but that keeping safe is the important factor.

Children need to give as much information as they have been told to give and no more. If the caller doesn’t know your child’s name, then teach your child not to give it.

If the caller says, “You must be Susan”, your child must be taught not to say: “No, I’m not Susan. My name is Jane.”

Teach your son or daughter to just say no but not to give his/her name out. Anyone who knows the child will also know the child’s name.

Good manners and keeping safe go hand in hand when a child is answering the telephone. Make sure he/she understands both.

The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Page 20

Bedtime Routine

Seng Chor and I have been struggling with Jordan's sleeping habits for quite some time. I guess both of us have failed to establish a proper bedtime routine with Jordan. We find the article below from The Star useful. Seng Chor read it first and shared with me during lunch time yesterday. Coincidentally, my mum forwarded the article to me after lunch.

We have also heard positive comments from friends who have been practising regular routine with their children. Seng Chor and I have started to work on some of issues with Jordan. Last night was a good start.

------------------------------------------------------------
By WONG LI ZA

A regular routine helps children to settle down for the night.

IF you are a parent with young children but physically resemble a character from Night of the Living Dead, read on. Parents tend to be more concerned about their child’s nutrition and learning abilities rather than sleep.

A recent international study involving 30,000 children aged zero to three has shown that many parents feel their children do not sleep well, especially Asian children.

Completed last year, the International Sleep Study on Infants and Toddlers was conducted in 17 countries. It involved 12 Asian countries (over 20,000 children) and five Western countries consisting of the United States, Canada, Britain, Australia and New Zealand. In Malaysia, 997 parents and caregivers responded to the survey, which was conducted online.

The survey, jointly conducted by Johnson & Johnson and the Asia Pacific Paediatric Sleep Alliance (APPSA), is believed to be the largest of its kind.

“Sleep may seem like a natural process but many mothers neglect the importance of good sleep in their children,” said Joyce Lee, Johnson & Johnson Malaysia’s managing director.

Led by prominent US-based paediatrician Dr Jodi Mindell, the study showed that 26% of parents in Caucasian countries believe their child has a sleep problem compared to 54% in Asian countries. (Overall, results in Malaysia and the other Asian countries were very similar.)

Among the questions in the survey was whether parents practised a consistent bedtime routine with their kids.

“Only 53% of Malaysians practise the same bedtime routine with their child compared to 71% of Caucasians,” said How Ti Hwei, director of professional marketing with Johnson & Johnson Asia Pacific.

“In addition, 84% of Malaysian children sleep in the same room as their parents compared to only 35% of Caucasians,” said How, who was involved in the survey.

However, consultant paediatrician and paediatric pulmonologist at Hospital Serdang, Dr Norrashidah Abdul Wahab, advocates co-sleeping, but in different beds.

“The main reason for sleeping in different beds is safety. I also find that mothers do not really want to be separated from their young child.

“It is also easier to breastfeed a child who is in the same room and mothers can also tend to the needs of the child immediately,” she said.

The sleep survey also found that the average time children go to bed in Asia is 9.30pm but in Caucasian countries, it is 8.30pm.

“Caucasians have a specific, earlier bedtime for their children. On the other hand, most Malaysians are not aware of the importance of good (sleep) habits,” said Dr Norrashidah, who is a member of APPSA.

Dr Norrashidah believes that the time children go to bed is important.

“Malaysian children tend to sleep later and wake up late, at nine or 10am. They should sleep by eight or 9pm for the proper cycles of rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and non-REM sleep to take place,” she explained.

REM sleep is important for brain development while during non-REM sleep, physical growth takes place.

She said that non-REM sleep occurs from 8pm onwards; towards the early morning, more REM sleep occurs.

“The age between zero and three is a crucial period for growth, which happens during sleep,” she said.

To get children to sleep earlier, their afternoon naps should only be about one to two hours, she added.

Proven routine

Prior to the International Sleep Study, Dr Mindell carried out a clinical sleep study in the United States involving 58 mothers and their babies aged seven to 18 months over three weeks.

The study, conducted in 2005, involved practising a three-step routine before bedtime, which comprised a bath, massage and quiet activities like story time.

Results showed that babies slept faster and woke up in the middle of the night less. The longest sleep period in the night also increased by 23% and mothers reported that they were less tired.

“This study shows that a simple three-step routine can help both children and mothers sleep better,” he said, adding that the routine should not take more than 30 minutes.

Added Lee, “Many mothers know intuitively that a routine works. Now, we are sharing with them a practical and proven routine to follow.”

Asian parents who might not be open to bathing their children at night have an alternative – wiping them down with warm water.

“The warmness calms and relaxes the child,” said Lee.

Dr Norrashidah said a regular bedtime routine is important to teach the baby to unwind and go to sleep to maximise the restorative benefits of sleep to aid the baby’s cognitive, social and physical development.

“The lack of a bedtime routine and healthy sleep in the long term can affect a baby’s memory, learning ability and even well-being,” said Dr Norrashidah.

She stressed that the key points are to put a baby to bed early from the start and to continue practising a routine.

“Bathe or wipe them down, change them into their pyjamas, dim the lights, and spend time with them. Read them a book or sing a song. It’s also good to massage them because it is relaxing.

“A routine should continue until the child is about five years old,” she said.

She added that many Malaysian parents do not practise a set routine with their children due to their busy lifestyle.

“Understandably, most mothers work these days and come back late but they still want to spend time and play with their children at night,” she said.

Dr Norrashidah added that although a bigger study is needed, the clinical sleep study shows that a routine is effective in helping children sleep better.

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Training Pants

With the increase in petrol price and many other things, Seng Chor has been thinking about saving the cost of diapers for Jordan and the second baby. Eventually, he came across Fresh Bots diapers and Fresh Bots training pants. Initially, he wanted to purchase them online but then he discovered that we can get them at The Curve in a shop called Little Haven – next to Mother Care. The training pants cost RM35.00. The diaper cost around RM65.

Last weekend, we bought 2 training pants for Jordan, and he will get to try them on this weekend. Actually, he is potty trained already. He doesn’t wear pampers at home anymore, and we had fewer accidents already. In fact, no accident last weekend. He was in church, The Curve and 1 Utama. Wonderful, isn’t?

We will probably buy the washable diaper to save cost.


Information from http://www.freshbots.com/

About Fresh Bots Diapers…
Fresh Bots diaper is part of an innovative concept in the diapering world. It resembles just like a disposable diaper with the exception that it is REUSABLE, HEALTHY AND COST SAVING in the long run. Depending on the design, the diapers are made from either 100% cotton or imported polyester waterproof fabric. Its innovative design with aplix closure means that the diaper requires no pin, no folding hence, making it easy for parents to change their baby. Our pocket diaper has a layer of suedecloth that forms a pocket for easy customisation of soakers. Freshbots diapers come in myriad of colours and fun prints. Wear them as part of your baby’s layette for a very fashionable outing.

About Fresh Bots Training Pants…
With the use of disposable diapers over the past years becoming a norm, due to its ease of usage for both babies and parents, the age of potty training as gone up. If children were no longer using diapers at the age of 2 some 10 years ago, most children nowadays will potty train around 3 years old. Cloth training pants are designed for children who are ready to potty train and ready to come out of the diaper phase.

Training pants are child’s first pants, to be pulled up and which they will proudly put on themselves. Cloth training pants do not act as diapers and would not hold as much wee as diapers can. It is designed to catch the first two pee and small accidents. Once the child has told you they have wet themselves, you should change them as soon as possible, as these will only hold the first two wee.

Why use training pants?

When wearing diapers both cloth (with dry-effect layer) and disposable diapers, the child will remain dry and don’t feel really wet. However, the cloth trainers are designed without dry effect layer so that they will feel wet after peeing. It is this new and unpleasant sensation of wet which will make them associate the need of a wee with wet pants and help them in their transition from using diapers to not using them anymore.

The child would also feel proud to wear little pants and not diapers anymore, which will help them further in their potty learning process and ultimately building their self confidence.

The Fresh Bots training pants are made of 100% cotton with hidden layer of waterproof material with 2 layers of terry sewn inside to absorb wetness. A soft elastic is sewn at the waist for good fit.

The pants come in 3 sizes:

Small: 10 kg – 14 kg, Age 12 – 18 months
Medium: 14 kg – 16 kg, Age 18 months – 2 ½ years
Large: 16 kg = 20 kg, Age 3 – 4 years

Little Inquisitive Minds

From the Moment a Child Learns to Talk, Parents will have to be Prepared to Answer lots of Questions

By Anna Tham

Have you ever had a child ceaselessly asking “why” or “how” to everything you tell him, or about anything that piqued his curiosity?

Parents of young ones who have started to talk can attest to the fact that they are indeed a curious bunch. And sometimes their questions border on the abstract and complex!

But what used to drive me up the wall (and sometimes still does) was my daughter adding questions to my answers, and the question-and-answer yo-yo could continue to great lengths, worthy of a mini series!

One morning, on the way to school, she got into one of her thoughtful moments and asked: “Mum, how did God make humans?”

I thought I had at least a year more to talk to her about that, or at least when she turns 35, before having to explain all about the birds and the bees!

As expected, a simple answer of “spiritual powers” was not sufficient. It was a test of my Biblical knowledge and ability to provide good answers while negotiating the morning traffic.

After several questions and answers on that topic, we approached the school gate. My mind was ready to say “goodbye, be good at school” when it was stalled by another question.

“How do sweets make you sick?” Thankfully, my reply somewhat satisfied her, and she got out with backpack and waved goodbye.

As a parent, I sometimes feel like I am back in school again, learning and re-learning lots of things – time and people management, negotiation, making a convincing sales pitch, training, motivation, psychology, health, nutrition, medicine, etc.

We could be specialists in certain areas but we still need to be jack-of-all-trades.

Handling children’s questions is certainly no easy task. How you approach and answer their questions contributes to their overall emotional and mental development and well-being.

We need to give some thought to the possible reasons why the child is asking the question or his/her motive for it, in order for our response to be meaningful. That way, we can provide the child with the appropriate knowledge and even to impart certain values.

We could turn it into an opportunity to learn together, to explore the Internet, books or encyclopedia in search of the answer, if the question relates to something factual.

What is important is that we are honest with our children, even in times when we do not know the answer.

Help them feel comfortable in knowing that you want to help them. Keep the answers simple, age-appropriate and make sure they understand.

Do not avoid answering their questions or attempt to brush them off. They would only feel discouraged or think that it is not right to be inquisitive.

In this aspect, I see the teacher’s role in the classroom as critical too, more so if the education system weighs so much on rote learning, conformity, and discipline.

We all want our children to grow up not only knowledgeable but also confident, able to think independently and speak up when necessary.


theSun
Bringing up children
Tuesday April 22, 2008

Stranger Danger

It’s Imperative for Children to Understand the Difference Between Friend and Foe
By Rachel Goodchild

Trying to make sure their children understand the dangers of a stranger can be one of those times where parents send out mixed messages to their children.

On one hand, they are told not to speak to strangers or accept anything from them. On the other hand, they are suddenly told to go and give a stranger a kiss and stop being shy.

The latter case might be a family member, but to the child, he /she is a stranger the child has never met before. So what difference is this person to the stranger in the street?

To adults, there is no such confusion, but children are left wondering who they can trust and who they should avoid.

Also, the definition of a stranger has changed over the years, and many will not be seen as strangers in the eyes of a child. Let’s look at a situation that might happen.

A person comes to your children’s school; it is assumed he/she is a parent of one of the children. The person might speak to the other adults and gain their confidence, but never quite saying which child is his/hers.

Slowly, the person speaks to your children while you are around: it might be a simple hello but because your children have been taught to speak to people you know, they now think this stranger is someone they can talk to.

One day, the person pulls out an iPhone or other new gadget that has your children looking with eyes popping out of their heads. They’re allowed to play with it, something they can’t do at home.

Suddenly, he pounces – come and see what I have in the car, you can play with this all you like – and too late, the true identity of the stranger is seen.

Children need to know what you mean by a stranger. They need to have clear boundaries so they know who they can trust.

What happens when your car breaks down and you can’t collect them from school? Someone offers to go on your behalf and you know they will be safe, but do they know? Are they going to get in this person’s car because the person says you sent him/her? What happens the next time when someone else who you didn’t send says the same thing?

Or what if a stranger at the school gate tries to buy them an ice cream on a very hot day? The person says their friend is his/her son.

Now do you see how you need to set boundaries and make sure your children don’t cross over them.

What happens if the person pretends to work for the police? He/she might even flash an ID card, but how many adults know what an ID card looks like, let alone a child?

Children need to know who to trust, and they need to know what to do if someone wants them to believe in them blindly.

They need to know what to do if everybody is looking at the latest iPhone, and even if they want to have a go, be prepared to walk away if that keeps them safe.

They need to know what might happen without making them paranoid and frightened.

Define the boundaries, and then keep to them yourself. Help your child develop that sense of safety, and be vigilant at all times.


The art of parenting
theSun
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Page 25

Infant Pampering

Everyone enjoys a good massage, even babies.
By Rachel Goodchild

If we, as adults, find massages relaxing and beneficial, then we should also be looking at the benefits of giving a baby a massage.

When you massage a baby, you will find it is a two-way exercise; you the parent and the baby both enjoying the time together.

If for any reason either of you are not enjoying it, then you should consider whether you are performing it correctly or if it is time to stop.

While massaging your baby, this is a time when you get to know each other. Your baby will feel the love you are giving him/her, and in the process, feel safe and relaxed with you.

It is a way you can use to communicate with your child, to let the baby knows how loved and safe he/she is.

Massage in babies, as well as adults, will cause different parts of the body to react. It can help improve both the body’s blood circulation and immune system.

Once you have decided that your baby will enjoy a massage, you need to then decide when the best time to do is.

Normally, wait at least 20 minutes after a feed, and not too close to bed time. Try never to give a massage when your baby is upset, as that can make him/her feel worse.

Again, your baby is unique but it might be best for both of you to do it after you have given baby a bath.

The child is already undressed and the pores will be open from the heat of the water, allowing the oil to be absorbed by the skin.

Always ensure the room is warm and there are no draughts around. And make sure your hands are warm. This is something fundamental that many may forget. There is nothing worse than cold hands going on a warm body.

Try and make sure you are not likely to be disturbed. Have some quiet music in the background, and remove all your jewellery because you don’t want anything that might hurt the baby.

Don’t forget the towels; you are going to be using oils, and they could stain the surface of where you lay your baby.

When you look for suitable oils, make sure they can be used on babies. Baby oil is perfect, but there are some designed for baby massages.

If you have never given a massage before, check out some books on the subject and look at pictures to see what you should be doing.

But most would advise starting with the baby’s feet and working upwards on to the body.

Always massage slowly and gently. Don’t put a lot of pressure as you don’t want to injure the child in any way. After all, you want this to be a pleasant experience for both of you.

As you get to know your baby and how much she/he enjoys having a massage, you can then determine how often you need to repeat the process.


The art of parenting
TheSun
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Page 19